#and my brain demands outdoor adventures

[papermonkeyism]

IT'S SPRING TIME!!!!

It't over 11°C and sun is shining and I AM LIVING!!

Fuck the plantar fasciitis I'm going for a walk and won't return untill I've outdoored a proper amount. Probably visiting a coffee shop to not breat my foot have some coffee and cake time, maybe with a sketchbook.

Spring!!!! Summer hat time!

[mildlyromanticperv]

Why would I...?

Eunha x MReader. Fluff. Fighting insecurities.

-Babe, dinner's ready! -You called your girlfriend down to the living room after a couple of hours in the kitchen, today's Friday night and you two planned an evening together to make up for the lost time during the week, her job as professional makeup artist is a 24/7 on-call job and you come exhausted every day due to the physical demand of your construction work.

-Coming! -Her sweet voice echoes through the walls of your shared apartment just like music into your ears. Due to the the small amount of time you've been able to spend together the last couple of weeks, she comes out dressed ready for an outdoors date and her perfume... Oh my god her perfume... Such indescribable scent fires up every nerve of your nostrils filling your heart with a warm fuzzy feeling you can only describe as... Love.

-Sweetie, you didn't have to! I'm disgusting and you dressed up so adorable... -You know you're supposed to be a manly man, hairy chest and all... But being alone with your girlfriend takes out that sensitive side of yours only she can experience.

-Don't say that! I mean I certainly wasn't expecting you to be all dressed up in tuxedo or anything, but you look really handsome tonight. -She smirked at you as she took a seat at the dining table. -Plus, the mere fact that you and I can finally spend some time together makes up for anything. I've missed you so much.

At these words you expres a huge "Awwww" within your brain that you can't quite express due to your sheer focus in plating your dinner, as if you were to cook for the president itself. -I've missed you so much as well, baby, actually today I was told I might speak too much about you... Hehe.

-What do you mean!? -She answers embarassed and blushing, her voice raises due to the thought of you flaunting her among coworkers.

-Yes baby, I can't help but presume my girlfriend. -You shrugged and finally came out of the kitchen ready with the food and a couple of tall glasses, not long after you came out with a fresh bottle of white wine to go with the dinner.

-This all look so awesome! I didn't know you were such a good chef... -She says with a sultry voice flirting so blatantly the whole thing felt like two youngsters discovering their new love. -You spoil me too much, I guess tonight I'm going to have to be extra kinky...

-Eunha, behave yourself. -You say jokingly in a very poorly acted stern voice. -I'm not that kinky... -You blushed embarassed for her teasing.

During the rest of the evening you two engulfed the food with awe and excitement, since there was no words exchanged, the looks between you two flew in a mute ode of romance, teasing and... dirty talk.

After such buffet served on your dinner night the only thing left was to rest the food with a movie in your living room, between you two there was always a banter to choose this movie so both could be pleased... although deep down you always knew that she's the one to win since her puppy eyes are almost impossible to say no to.

-Baaaaaaaaabeeeeee, let's watch scary movies! Pleaseeeeee? -She attacks first with pouting.

-But sweetie, you fall asleep always in the middle of the movie, lets watch something with action... adventure, you haven't seen Lord of the Rings, have you? -You block her first punch and answer with a broad swing.

-No, that's only half-naked dudes slashing and punching, no fun... -She holds her chin thinking. -Why don't we watch a Disney movie? Perhaps Aladdin? -She ducks your punch and then respond with a well placed uppercut right on your chin.

-You know I'm a sucker for musicals... -You say to her with a suspicious voice, enjoying the blatant manipulation she just engaged in. -I still don't know... What about Godzilla? You said you wanted to watch it... -You endure that uppercut and throw an open hand punch straight to her cheekbone.

-Mmmm, maybe... But I'm not in the mood for giant monsters destroying cities, plus I don't like the CGI. -She gets ready for her final blow, she knows the power she holds over you and she doesn't hold herself back. -I wanna watch Inside Out babe. -Finally she uses her signatur pout and holds your arm, pressing herself against you and looks from below into your eyes with her stray puppy eyes.

-Fiiiiineeeee. -You answer reluctantly because you know better than upset your cute girlfriend.

As if an oracle predicted it Eunha falls asleep barely at 15 minutes of the movie, your heart flutters at the feeling of her cheek pressing against your shoulder and her steady peaceful breath.

-I love you so much. -You say to her barely above a whisper not really looking to wake her up, slowly and with stealth you turn off the TV and let her lay down on the couch, placing her head on your lap where you start caressing and combing her hair, she stirs around facing your abdomen and curling into a ball right next to you, luckily she brought a blanket for her feet so you cover her to make her comfortable.

Times such as these, so flawless, so quiet, they feel like frozen in time... Her porcelain skin shines under the faint light of the TV and her pink hair spread along your knees and your lap is the perfect combination for you to have to control your every cell not to wake her up and propose right there and then.

Her chest goes up and down slowly following the quiet sound of her breathing, after just a few minutes in which you're completely sure she's fallen completely asleep you let her head rest on a nearby cushion to go and prepare our bed for a much needed long night of sleep. You lift your girlfriend grabbing her gently by her legs and her shoulders, out of love for your girlfriend you just let her in the bed with her current outfit just taking out her shoes and socks.

Finally you start tidying up and cleaning the kitchen and the living room, you turn off all the lights and proceed to lay down on the bed, holding Eunha from behind as the big spoon.

The very next day you wake up next to a pillow with the scent of your girlfriend, but no sight of her.

-Eunha? -You ask still in the recently awoken state and rubbing your eyes. You quiclñy grab your slippers and stand up looking for her just to find her in the kitchen with a very soothing smell of hot coffee.

-Sweetie? Did you sleep well? -She says as she sees you coming out of the room in a groggy state, her outfit changed from her white blouse and furry blazer to a pink pajama with a cotton coat for the cold, a pair of oversized pajama pants and fuzzy slippers. -I didn't want to wake you up, I know you need a good rest.

-It's fine babe... -Yawn. -Did you sleep comfortable? I didn't wanted to wake you just to change into a pajamas last night. -You chuckle remembering her peaceful expression.

-Yes sweetie, I imagined I might fall asleep so I wore comfy clothes.

-You always think of everything even when you're exhausted, that's so cool!

-It's called paying attention to the details, dum dum... -She chukles as well.

-There's only one thing I like paying attention to and she's making coffee... -You walk around the kitchen counter to hug Eunha. -Thank you babe.

-You can thank me by washing the dishes, dum dum. -She says enjoying the closeness of your embrace around her waist, she enjoys this so much she lets out a quiet hum of satisfaction when you start rubbing her arms.

-Okay mom I'll do it soon. -You roll your eyes playfully, but righ away she smacks your cheeks.

-Idiot. -She says with a big smile.

You then start to wash the dishes and notice something you have been noticing for a few days but never really payed total attention to, Eunha's dish was in the fridge with leftovers from last night, she didn't eat the whole thing.

Usually this wouldn't be weird since she stays fit for her own decision, but this time you ensured to give her a reduced portion, so... Why would she left food on the plate?

You spend the rest of your dish washing deep in that thought, not quite being able to explain yourself why that change in her eating habits.

Could it be for health issues? Nah her childhood illness is gone and she told you doctors assured there's no way she'd have it again.

Is she being bullied? Perhaps her coworkers are just jealous she's so fit, but still... She's very confident on herself, it doesn't add up.

What could it be? Is she hiding something?

Your mind runs wild with the possibilities until she gently pokes your shoulder.

-Sweetie? Is everything okay? -She rests her hand on your shoulder, clearly worried.

-Yeah baby I'm okay, I was just lost in thought, that's all. -Surely you didn't lie to her... but you didn't tell her the whole truth as well.

-Is it because of the new construction site rules?

-Sort of yeah, I have the feeling they're withholding information.

-Well babe don't you worry for now for that, it's Saturday, we have to rest.

-You're right babe. What would I do without you? -You clenched your nose playfully to ask her for a kiss.

-You'd be lost, probably even still at the grocery store not knowing what to buy for last night's dinner. -She chuckles and she tips on her toes to plant a soft kiss on your lips.

-I love you, my sweet bunny.

-I love you two, my handsome puppy.

I think perhaps I should've warned about these sweet times, for diabetic people this might not be good for you.

-What are we going to have for breakfast? -She asks once the coffee is poured and you two meet at the table to discuss your day.

-I was thinking of some grilled cheese sandwiches and smoothies.

-Oh, really? -She looks to one side thinking of it but either way accepts the offer. -Sure babe, but we don't have anything for grilled cheese.

-I know, I'm going to order takeout, I want to spend my morning cuddling with you. -You pout as she do with puppy eyes hoping she'd say yes.

-Okay okay babe... -She chuckles. -Come here. -She takes your wrist and walks to the couch where she sits in between your legs and wrapping herself around with your arms. -Babe I.. I want to ask you something, it's... kind of important.

Your heart beats rapidly, anxious and unsure on what to do, what is she wanting to speak about?

-You know you can trust me, honey, of course, talk to me. -You nuzzle your face in the crook of her neck and hold her tight.

-You... you think... -Her voice fades, speaking in such a low voice it's only a faint whisper in the air. -You think I've put on weight? I... I feel like my thighs and belly are getting bigger...

-Wait, honey, is that why you've been eating less? -You ask clearly concerned.

-I thought you wouldn't notice... -She says with a small crack on her voice.

-Babe... -You chuckle slightly obviously not trying to offend her. -I'm worried you might get sick if you don't eat well, for the rest, I don't care... -You start to caress her arms and belly trying to reassure her. -If you feel that you need to do so, I'll support you exercising or eating more veggies, but trust me. -You whisper closer to her ear with a loving voice. -You're perfect just the way you are. Bigger thighs? You know me, that's my favourite feature from you along with your smile and your aroma... Bigger belly? You're just more huggable.

Your words get to her heart, speeding it up so much she feels her own heartbeat on her ears, she goes red and flustered with your words up to the point a small tear of joy falls down her cheek.

-You... you mean it? -Her voice cracking almost going to cry.

-Babe, I really don't care, you can turn brunette instead of your pink hair, or perhaps go bobcut... Hell, you could go bald, gain weight, stop doing your makeup and I'll still love you with all my heart. -You let go of her belly and spin her around gently so she can face you, then you place your right hand on her cheek very gently, caressing slowly. -You're the love of my life, and there's absolutely nothing that could make me love you less.

She leans into your touch, feeling peaceful and reassured with your words, but the faint thought of her insecurities still linger in her brain.

-But... wouldn't you like me to be thinner? -She pouts avoiding your gaze.

-Why would I? Would you stop being Jung Eunbi if you changed or if you gained a pound or two?

-Well... no, but... -You gently lift up her chin to make her meet your eyes.

-No, right? I fell in love with Jung Eunbi, not the body of Jung Eunbi, as long as my baby is still there, I really don't care how you look. -Right after this you clean up the tear that threatens to fall down her cheek.

-You're just too kind to me, you're just saying those words... -She pouts.

Unable to think of anything else to say than the truth that reigns in your heart you just do the first thing that comes to your mind.

You quickly lean forward and press your lips softly against hers, you close your eyes and hum in content, your left hand wanders to her waist and presses her lower back, pushing her body against yours.

-Would you stop loving me if tomorrow I go bald? -You ask after separating your lips from hers.

Her cheeks are blushing wildly and she looks for her breath softly. -No... I wouldn't, but please don't do it, I love your curly hair. -She chuckles feeling reassured by your words and your actions.

-I won't babe, but you get my point, right?

-I... I do, thank you so much sweetie, I love you so much. -She hugs you and nuzzles against your chest, crying slightly out of pure joy and thankfulness by the thought of you loving her that much.

-I love you so much as well, my sweet Eunha.

[megpricephotography]

So I'm thinking about a dog in 2024 and I am absolutely in love with border collies.. I know thier energy is insane.. This is my question, do you walk everyday, of course you do, how far do you walk? What would I be in for? Do they bark often? I also enjoy black Labradors.. Your blog is quite amazing.. 🙏🐕

That’s wonderful you might be getting a dog next year! Whichever breed you decide on, I hope you find yourself a fantastic companion & enjoy many happy years of adventures together :) Thanks, I'm so glad you enjoy my blog!

I’ll answer your 2nd question 1st: barking. Yes!! Some are louder than others... but most border collies like the sound of their own voice. They'll likely be more vocal than a labrador!

Now... exercising. Border collies are energetic. They need to run regularly & are always eager for a walk! Like most breeds, BCs are happiest (& easiest to live with!) when they're able to combine using their brains, with getting physical excise.

Many pet dogs, even "high energy" breeds, are able to fulfil a lot of their need for mental/physical exercise by going on regular walks... Walks where the dog is most left to its own devices but has the opportunity to run & fully engage its senses, exploring & interacting with the environment. If the owner wants to get more involved & play with the dog too, then great! However, if the owner is tired after a stressful day, then they can mostly mentally switch-off & relax in nature, while their pet has fun & tires itself out!

Unfortunately (& I think it's part of why they have a rep for making hyper/crazy pets), border collies are often pretty terrible at exercising themselves on this sort of walk - where they have to occupy themselves independently!

BCs want owner participation!! They want YOU mentally switched-on & involved in their activities - exploring the wider world is only as interesting as you make it! If they aren't kept busy herding livestock for you, or doing sports like agility, then a BC needs you to come up with other forms of entertainment/exercise, which you can do together. It doesn't need to be complicated, or involve you doing lots of hard physical exertion - but keeping a pet BC well-exercised & contented will take some mental effort, on your part.

They'll often benefit far more from a slightly shorter outing, where your focus is on them & making a real effort to engage & interact - rather than a much longer walk, where you're present but disengaged & expecting the dog to exercise itself.

For some people, the prospect of a pet who demands lots of engagement & interaction, could be more work than an active dog who "just" needs regular long hikes! However, if you like the idea of having a HIGHLY interactive dog - who thrives on doing stuff with you, then BCs can make wonderful, engaging, fun companions.

This got way too long... below are examples of how I keep Flynn "busy" & help him burn off mental/physical energy outdoors! My health isn't very good - I can't go very far & never go fast but Flynn doesn't mind... as long as we're interacting.

All pics below were taken a couple of days ago, in 2 adjacent fields.

Left to occupy himself, Flynn could spend hours out in these wide-open spaces & he'd still be bouncy/bored later. Not because he's insanely energetic - no, the daft dog simply wouldn’t DO anything tiring! If I ignore Flynn, he accepts it & potters along the path... & that’s the problem! He's an athletic, intense dog & he just potters! He's happy but barely using up any energy!! If I want Flynn tired, I have to give him reasons to use his body & - more importantly - his mind!

I take the part of shepherd & sheep & get Flynn herding me across the fields. We play hide-&-seek in the woods. He does tricks & balances on things. I take photos as it's another chance to interact. We might play search games too - I make him wait, go hide a toy/treats, then send him out to find them.  

A "game"(?) that's developed over time, is that Flynn loves to find & show me interesting stuff in the environment. Stuff he will not play with alone, but massively enjoys if I join in: piles of leaves, mole hills, tree stumps, good ground for digging! The more animated I am in reacting, the more enthused Flynn gets & the more he’ll exercise - racing way ahead to find the next fun thing & the next! He enjoys it if I show him stuff too!

Anyway, here he is in the 1st field, lying motionless but focused, as he waited for me to arrive & investigate the puddle he’d "discovered". It IS an excellent puddle.

Here he is, extremely excited at the prospect of supervising me stepping into the puddle & making a splash: 

Flynn's holding a nasty soggy chunk of grass because this was such a thrilling moment, he felt he needed to have something to bite on, or he might be tempted to nip my boot!!

Here he is in the 2nd field, intent on stalking closer, because I’d crouched down & just me doing that is EXCITING: 

I crouched to look for fossils. Didn’t spot any, so I grabbed random pebbles. Flynn finds it genuinely fascinating to watch me choose, pick up, examine & toss small rocks away… He'll eagerly "help" me do this, for as long as I'll let him. He darts after each stone, as I chuck it away, then quickly rush back to watch me choose another. Here he is, concentrating very hard indeed, on a vital Pebble Examination:  

Despite not going far, Flynn was mentally (& physically) tired out by the time we got home! Clearly, he'd done important work: herding, hiding, puddle-finding & pebble-inspecting ;-) Once Flynn's exercised, he'll happily sleep for hours on end.

[themalacoda]

An excerpt from

that which yields is not always weak

- chapter 21: foibles

Within two bells of their return to the Crystarium she finds him as he paces across the Exedra, the lightness in his heart at the return of night and the happiness of his people contrasting with the discomfort in his arm. He cannot seem to shake it, even so close to the tower..

“Exarch? ...My lord?” She seems hesitant at addressing him.

It is strange, this combination of delight and sorrow that he experiences when she calls for him now. He delights that she asks for him at all, yet he is reminded again that he will not hear his true name from her lips for the rest of his numbered heartbeats. Turning, he faces her expectantly, but he is quiet.

“How is your arm? That blow earlier… you looked like you were in pain?” The concern in her voice is written all over her face, “I am no chigurgeon, but I have some skill with healing magic and alchemy. Let me look at you? If you don’t mind?”

She reaches for his arm, and there is an almost unbearable wave of nostalgia. When he was still G’raha Tia, she was always reaching for him: to bring him on some adventure or to get him to return with her to their tent, but this feels different. Her tone is formal--businesslike.

“I was on my way to Spagyrics just now to have it looked at,” he lies smoothly, the taste of it acrid on his tongue.

“Forgive me, Exarch, but you strike me as a man who refuses to help himself unless forced. I am quite happy to force you,” she motions at him with the hand that is still outstretched, waiting for him to acquiesce to her demand.

He knows he should not oblige her but he does, Twelve help him. He has never been able to deny her anything. It is a weakness in his personality--a yawning fault line only ripped wider by three centuries of longing.

She moves close, almost too close: He can feel the heat of her body and her perfume all but pierces his brain with its deadly precision. Lavender… rosemary… orange blossoms… after all this time it is still his favorite scent. In no small part, his fondness for her perfume is why the Crystarium is famous for its lavender--he found he couldn’t live without it.

With gentle pressure and warm fingers she analyzes every ilm of his spoken arm for scratches, wounds, or broken bones. Then, each joint of his fingers is put through a full range of motion to check for swelling and sprains. Finally, she seems satisfied that he is well enough, and retrieves a small glass bottle from a pouch at her waist.

He cannot hardly hear himself speak over the staccato of his thundering heart in his ears but he asks, “What is that?”

Is she blushing? It is hard for him to see well enough to be sure, his Seeker eyes are not so sensitive in darkness and the Crystarium was not designed with outdoor lighting in mind. Another issue that will need to be remedied.

“A warming oil--I made it for you,” she pauses in the act of opening the bottle with one hand, her eyes seeing nothing but shadows but, again, that ghost of something crosses her face.

“I brought you here for a battle that is not yours, you owe me nothing,” he demurs, but makes no move to pull away.

With a sigh, she opens the bottle and pours a little of the oil directly on the back of his wrist. After returning the bottle to the pouch she runs both of her hands through it, one after another and begins to massage his hand and fingers saying sharply, “You said you would atone for bringing me here. Atone by doing as I say.”

Then her voice lowers in pitch, her timbre almost like the velvet of the night sky overhead, ”Besides, you fought with me today. And you remind me of someone I cared for deeply…”

She is thorough and methodical, working upward towards his elbow with soothing strokes. The motion of her hands and the rasping sound her sword calluses make as they pass across his skin is hypnotizing. He smells yet more lavender and feels a tingling in his arm, realizing that the oil is beginning to warm. The soreness is already receding with her ministrations and being cared for like this is…

He looks down fondly at the top of her head while she is absorbed in her task.

It is the most alert he has been in a century--the most alive.

This is the first time he has been touched by another person, skin to skin, in decades. She is completely undisturbed by his station and his titles, she simply wishes to care for him--a man she barely knows.

It is torture. G’raha Tia--that selfish fool--stirs restlessly within him, wanting more.

He feels a savage desire to throw off his hood and kiss her senseless right here in the middle of the Exedra, to crush her to him with his unnatural strength, to debase her as he howls like an animal in the midst of a rut. How she cannot feel his blood roaring in his veins and his pulse fluttering wildly under her hands, he does not know--he can only thank Azeyma for small mercies.

Then, it is over.

“I hope you feel better. You can keep the rest, to use in case you feel a twinge anywhere later,” she smiles brightly and holds out the remainder of the bottle to him.

He wants to scream himself hoarse at the loss of her touch but he thanks her calmly and takes it with a hand that he is pleased to note, does not shake. She almost lost everything before she came here and he is the one who took them from her: her friends, her autonomy, her battle with the Garleans--and still she not only returns the night sky but freely gives him a gift within the same sun. The least he can do is accept graciously.

As she walks away in the direction of the Pendants he thinks to return to the Ocular quickly, lest he embarrass himself further under the watchful eyes of his people.

But then she turns back to look at him and the meaning behind her expression is finally clear:

It is knowing.

Truly, this is going to be even more difficult than he thought.

[mymelodyheart]

Miles Between Us Chapter 14 ~The Element of Surprise ~

WARNING: VERY EXPLICIT SEXUAL CONTENT

Previously in The Reunion

They fitted perfectly, her softness cradling his boneless heap, making him hard as steel again. Some part of his brain must have still been functioning because he jerked and reached out for her bra to cover her when his doorbell rang. Christ!  Forcing his body to move with marginal success, he yanked her up and pulled up his jeans.

Claire slid off the table and grabbed her clothes. "Who could that be?"

"That better not be yer uncle or ..." Jamie trailed off, muttering curses under his breath, annoyed at the disturbance as he was just revving up for part two of their lovemaking. When he opened the door, a sense of deja vu hit him when he saw Mrs Fitz standing there with what seemed like a plate of a lemon meringue pie. What the fuck?

"Mrs Fitz!"

The older woman didn't bother to hide her curiosity this time as her eyes tried to peer past his shoulders. "Heard ye have company, lad, and I havenae seen Miss Claire the last couple of days."

  If you wish to read this on AO3, here is the link.

If you wish to read this from the beginning:

AO3 link

Tumblr link

  Six Days Later

Claire's heavy eyelids fluttered open, her brain still addled by sleep. It took her a while to gather her thoughts and remember how she'd made it to bed last night. She shifted slightly in bed, but there's a two-hundred-fifty pound of hard-muscled, naked male restricting her movement. Jamie's arm was draped across her waist, securing her against his chest, her legs confined under his heavier ones. She could feel his soft, steady breathing blowing warm air on top of her head, reminding her how well he'd been sleeping the last few nights. There had been no night terrors or unpleasant dreams interrupting his sleep, and she put it down to his workload during the day and their physical activities between the sheets at night.

Today was Friday, and the realisation caused a huge smile to spread across her face. Last night she'd worked late until past ten, and Jamie had found her fallen asleep in front of her laptop in her studio shed. He'd scooped her up in his arms and helped her get ready for bed, and just before sleep claimed her, he'd whispered he had a surprise for her today. 

She wondered what the surprise was and guess it would probably be a long lie-in for them and breakfast in bed. Looking back, the past few days had flown by in a blur, packed with work and catching up with her uncle Lamb during nights. Ever since her emotional reunion with Jamie, her work-related things had gone from a shamble of mess to running smoothly. It's as if the universe had decided to grant her reprieve as everyone went out their way to appease her. Even her boss John seemed to have given her space and was allowing her to work in peace. Somehow, deep down, she had a sneaking suspicion Jamie had something to do with it. 

It had all began at the start of the week when Jamie had been at work. Tom had stopped by the cottage to hand her a signed contract agreeing to his book's publication. By the time she'd told John the good news, he'd been in his element detailing his main point plan for getting the word out and announcing the book deal to Tom's adoring followers. She'd thought her boss would demand to get her and Tom on the next plane to London, but instead, John had told her he'd arranged a team to fly to Inverness for a formal meeting with their new author. As if that wasn't enough, two days later, Mary had produced enough drafts for Claire to work on and promised there would be more on the way. Her uncle, sensing work was piling, would occasionally stop by either to whip up something to eat or bring food while she'd been ensconced in her studio shed. Not that it was unusual for her uncle to perform domesticated pursuits; however, it's still surprising that he was going the extra mile to help around the house when he had the Highlands at disposal for his adventures being an outdoor person that he was.

It's becoming clear this week was proving to be a period of many turning points. She had no idea what the future had in store for her and Jamie, but she knew something had shifted in their relationship, and it was definitely for the better. Though she's still the same girl who's still trying to find her place in the world and fit in, she knew she'd changed, too. A few months ago, she would have probably backed down from any forms of conflicts, citing life as complicated enough without adding more complications. But she'd learned how to respond, choose fights that are worth fighting for and cast aside that wasn't deserving of her peace of mind. She'd also learned that once in a while, it's good for her sanity to give propriety and rules the middle finger when a situation called for it. 

It's hard to believe she's planning her life in the Highlands, the place where her parents had met and found love in each other. In her quest to get to know them more, she'd spent her holidays here to be closer to their memories and live that adventure they'd so craved. Now, she was involved with a man tormented with demons. If her parents were still alive today, she wondered how they would receive Jamie. Would they have been like Jenny or her uncle, suspicious and sceptical of their relationship? Or would they have been happy with her choice just like Willie, Brian, and Ellen have been with Jamie's?

Deep in her heart, she knew that her parents would have taken one look at them and understood that Jamie was special and meant to be her life adventure. From what Claire had surmised from uncle Lamb's stories, her parents have been that kind of people, magnanimous of spirit and always saw the best in others. Jamie was like that too. He'd taken a gamble with her despite their differences and the geographical challenges ahead. Though it seemed she was helping him with his condition, unbeknownst to Jamie, he too was helping her heal the part of her that became an orphan. In some invisible way, he was repairing something in the fabric of her world that had been torn down the middle when her parents passed away. She absorbed that thought and was reminded of what Uncle Lamb once told her, that her father always had a peculiar sense of humour. With that in mind, she'd like to think that just maybe her father had sent Jamie her way on purpose. His way of telling her to let go of the past, not over-think, embrace the Highlands as much as he had and just love.

Lying next to Jamie in bed, she felt totally at peace. They might have had a crisis of faith, but she was confident they'll find their way through whatever path was laid before them. Their love wasn't and probably never going to be easy, given their journey had been emotional, tangled with roadblocks, denials and self-preservation. Still, she wanted to find her way with him. She'd just discovered this strength she didn't realise she had, and Jamie continued to surprise her with his single-mindedness purpose to be cured. Someone once said there's no fulfilment without a bit of struggle. Just like in the stories she hoped to publish one day, the heroes had to break down first and bleed before earning their happy ending. Well, if that's the rule, she couldn't envision facing life's trials and tests with any other person to stand beside her other than Jamie.

Her smile was still in place when her thoughts were suspended by a rush of heat as Jamie's hand coasted over her hip to disappear between her thighs. A sudden thrill shot through her, making her breath catch in her lungs. He shifted the leg holding her thighs down and deftly opened her to his touch, stroking the sensitive flesh in between. She felt his shaft stir against her bottom as she scooted closer to him, eliciting a guttural sound to escape his lips.

"I can practically hear the cogs turning in yer head, Sassenach," he muttered thickly, his breathing turning shallow at the back of her neck. He nipped her earlobe between his teeth and tugged. "What's going on in that mind of yers?"

"Oh, this and that and how you've been sleeping soundly ...these last few nights." She gasped out loud when he rubbed her nub with a calloused thumb. She tilted her head back to look at his face, and her lips were met by a long-drawn, possessive kiss. By the time their mouths parted, she was panting for air and squirming against him mindlessly. 

"Christ, ye're ready for me. Why did ye no' wake me up?" He thrust his finger deep inside her, fondling the spot he knew drove her wild and frantic. "Next time ye want me, wake me up."

"I-I couldn't. You were sleeping so peacefully." 

He paused his ministrations. "That's no' the answer I was hoping to hear."

Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ! "Y-yes, next time, I'll wake you up!"

"That's my lass." He sank another finger into her entrance. But as she tried to clench around him, his fingers slid out, using her wetness to coat her nub and gently rub her aching flesh. She wanted to scream at him for teasing her, but he only softly chuckled against her neck. At that moment, she needed to come more than she needed air. She hoarsely whispered his name in a plea for release. "Ach, no' yet, Sassenach ... ye listen better when I'm touching ye." She yelped when he suddenly yanked the covers away and flipped her on her stomach, the crisp morning air caressing her heated skin. "Let me see first that beautiful arse of yers." He shoved a pillow beneath her hips, putting her in a highly arousing position, her face mushed against the mattress and her bottom in the air. "Such a beautiful bum."

"Jamie ..." 

He kneaded the curves of her buttocks as he let out a frustrated male groan. "Let us talk first. This is the only time I'm pretty sure ye're no' gonnae argue with me with what I'm about to say. Ye listening?"

"Yes, yes ...get on with it, damn it!"

He laughed out loud just before his lips travelled along the path of her spine, kissing and nibbling her flesh. One hand slid around her belly and down the apex of her thighs, slipping blunt fingers into her folds as his mouth moved to her neck. He lingered there, biting hard and then soothing the sting with a lick of his tongue. Anticipation pulsated within her body, and goosebumps erupted on her skin as the weight of his erection slid against her upturned bottom, and Jamie positioned himself behind her. When he hefted her higher with his forearm, she let out a squeak. "Ye'll no' be working this weekend."

"Jamie," she whimpered. "B-but I can't."

"Oh yes, ye can." Skilled fingers stroke her sensitive nub, and with one thrust of his hips, he completely filled her, taking her by surprise. She nearly screamed, pressing her mouth against the mattress, suddenly mindful of nosey neighbours. She remembered what Jamie had told her about Mrs Fitz and muffled her moans on the covers of the bed.

"Oh, God, this is not fair," she breathed on an uneven exhale.

"I told ye last night, I have a wee surprise for ye. Ye've worked long enough this week. Ye're taking a wee break this weekend." When she didn't respond, he stilled his hips and took out his fingers from inside her. "You need a break, Sassenach. Now, for the love of God, just say yes, Jamie."

When Jamie drew out his hardness and plunged deeply back into her, heart-stopping sensations coursed through her whole body. Something about how he positioned her, the fluid, smooth drives of his movement made her mad with need. She wanted to urge him to go faster, but she clamped her mouth shut. He was deliberately torturing her and forcing her to agree with him. So she decided she was going to get her own back. Contracting her inner walls, she clenched around him. From experience, she knew the more he had to work to push into her, the wilder he would become. Just when she thought she finally got the upper hand, he paused and dropped his weight, stopping just short of squashing her. "No, no, no! Please don't stop!" she wailed.

"Oh, aye." He pushed his lower body tight to her bottom, his erection throbbing inside her. When she tried to wriggle her bum to urge him to start moving again, he firmly gripped her hips in place. "Ah, I ken what ye're up to," he whispered hotly in her ears. "I'm no' taking no for an answer. Ye owe this break to yourself."

"You don't play fair."

"Neither do ye."

Thinking she could compromise later after spending the whole morning with him, she finally conceded. "Fine. Just keep moving, for God's sake!" she hissed.

He let out a pained laugh and pressed his lips on the crook of her neck. "Good lass, ye ken it makes sense." Then cursing under his breath, he moved all the way out in one smooth slide before deliciously gliding deep back. "Christ, I can feel ye want to come, but ye're going to stay with me a little longer. Ye fell asleep on me last night, leaving me with a painful cockstand." 

"Jesus, Jamie."

"Aye," he rasped hoarsely into her hair. "I said the same thing when ye wriggled that pert arse against me and fell asleep immediately."

The way his thickness was invading her from an angle almost sent her hurtling over the edge. And it gave her a new appreciation for math. The thought almost made her laughed out loud if it wasn't for the pulsing pleasure between her legs.

"Christ ...look at ye," Jamie gritted, his voice sounding raw and almost severe. "So bloody perfect." 

He nudged her legs wider and changed his movements to short, strong strokes, increasing his pace with primitive energy that left her gasping for breath. With the sound of their slapping bodies, the earthy scent of arousal, the sweaty slide of skin, her belly began to tighten and coil.

"I just want to make ye happy, Sassenach," he groaned, bearing down his upper body more, his hips relentlessly pounding into hers. "So just say yes to my wee surprise, aye?" 

"Yes, yes, yes." Their voices sounded so far away, and her initial hesitation about taking a break from work almost forgotten. Not entirely, though. She tried to grasp that mental note about emails to be sent, but the hand gripping her hips moved, and fingers slid to rub her nub, stroking and pushing her further towards her peak. She gave in and widened her thighs to let him fill her more. But it left her no time to prepare for the release that shattered her apart, her love for him and the physical pleasure fusing to intensify the sensations blasting through her. It threatened to overwhelm her, but Jamie's presence anchored her as he followed her over, groaning her name, gripping her hips with a fierceness as he claimed her for his. 

Moments later, he pulled her boneless body in his arms and tucked her into his chest, tugging the covers over them and curving his front to her back. He held her tightly as the morning light streamed through the windows. 

Battling to keep her eyes open, thoughts of work slithered in, but it kept flittering away with her consciousness before she could dwell on it. Maybe just for a minute, she thought. But Jamie smelled so good, and his tender strokes enticed a hazy sleep to claim her muscles, dragging her down into the dark. Just one minute. 

As she eased into sleep, his whisper drifted toward her unconscious. "It's still early, Sassenach. Sleep a wee bit more. Your wee surprise will come soon enough."

..........

Claire woke for the second time that morning with an unladylike shriek when the mattress dipped and moved. Muddled, she jackknifed into a sitting position, eyes scanning wildly around the curtain-dimmed room for a trespasser. Claire knew someone was there, her gut instinct telling her it wasn't Jamie. Summoning her eyes to refocus, she collapsed with relief when she realised who it was sat at the foot of the bed.

"Surprise!" Annalise squealed, clapping her hands.

"Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ!" She swiped her bedraggled hair out of her face. "You scared me bloody witless."

"Bloody hell, you're jumpy." Annalise shifted a hip on the bed. "Jamie's bad dreams rubbing off on you now, are they?"

"That's not something to joke about," she glowered at her friend, pulling the covers up to her chin.

Annalise' smile waned a bit. "Hey, what's up? I'm not making fun of Jamie's nightmares, and you know that." Her shoulders slumped. "In case you don't know, bad dreams can happen to anyone. In fact, I had a bad dream a few days ago. I was being chased by a pirate."

Suddenly feeling bad for snapping at her friend, she mentally dispersed the sleep fog in her brain and gave Annalise an apologetic smile. So this was her surprise, she thought. Not that Claire wasn't happy to see her friend, but she'd expected Jamie's surprise to be a romantic weekend with him. She let out a sigh. "Chased by a pirate, huh? Let me guess ...sunken chest and no booty?"

Annalise perked up at Claire's feeble attempt to sound less grumpy. "Har de har har! I didn't realise you could be funny before coffee. A total package for a marauding pirate if I may say so."

"Tell that to Captain Beard," she mumbled, getting out of bed. 

"Aye, matey!" Annalise mischievously winked. "That's if he happens to be in Isle of Harris this weekend. Which is where, by the way, we're going, as in, now! So get packing!"

Claire stilled and shook her head. "Wot?" She began to shake her head, tugging the covers around her as she made her way to the dresser. "Oh no, no, no! I'm not leaving this place for any man or woman, including you, blondie! I've got a pile of work to do. You know I have deadlines."

"Oh no, you don't. You stop right there, missy! Have you forgotten you agreed with Jamie to take a weekend break?" 

Claire's eyes widened. "Oh, did he also tell you how he got me to agree?"

"No. But you can tell me later on the plane."

"Plane?" Claire dropped her face in her hands. "Oh, God, I can't believe I agreed to this. Jamie never told me anything."

Annalise stood up from where she was sitting and crossed her arms across her chest. "Hmmm, you don't look too happy to be spending time with me."

She puffed out a breath. "It's not that ..."

"We haven't had girly time in ages, Claire. Jamie thought it would do you a world of good to have a bit of fun."

"So now what? You and Jamie plotting and ganging up on me behind my back, is that it?" Claire accused. "What about Willie? Surely, you miss him more than me. When was the last time you saw him?"

Annalise grinned. "Don't worry about Willie. We have been doing a lot of catching up all night last night, and you want to know what he did?"

Claire's face crumpled in disgust as she held up a hand. "Oh, gross! Too much information. I don't want to hear about your sex life."

Annalise laughed out loud. "Fine, I won't discuss our sex life if you start packing now. Besides, you wouldn't want to waste the tickets Jamie worked so hard for, now, do you?"

Oh dear Lord, save me from well-meaning friends! She didn't really want to leave, but if Jamie had spent money organising this trip, she wasn't about to let it go to waste. But ... "How about uncle Lamb? He came to see me, and I can't just leave him."

"He knows all about the trip, and I've been told he's got a few excursions planned around the Highlands." 

"Oh, well ...if that's the case, I need to call Mary and John and let them know what I'm up to this weekend."

Annalise grinned. "Jamie's sorted it already."

"Wot?" she exclaimed with disbelief, her hands landing onto her hips. "Jamie's been planning this with you all along, hasn't he?" She shook her head. "I-I can't believe it!"

"You better believe it."

Claire blew out a breath of exasperation. "Fine! Grab my suitcase. It's in the airing cupboard."

"Yay!" Annalise whirled on her feet and pumped her fist in the air. Claire couldn't help but smile as enthusiasm began to wiggle its way through her system. Maybe Jamie was right. She owed it to herself to have a break, and probably a change of scenery was what she needed. After Mary had delivered the goods, Claire had worked herself to the bone all week and sometimes into the wee hours of the morning. She was already in her second round of edits on the extensive manuscripts Mary had submitted and must admit they were indeed making progress. As for Tom, her job with him was done, and the team organised by John should be arriving next week. It was definitely time for a bit of fun. 

On second thoughts, though it was generous of Jamie to arrange the trip, it would have been nice if he could come along too. But the idea of Jamie's condition worsening with something as simple as weekend trips away brought a feeling of melancholy to descend upon her. She had no doubt Jamie would be cured, and they'd be able to travel together one day, so she forced herself to shake off the momentary bout of wistfulness when Annalise came bounding back with her small suitcase.

"So ...you talked to Jamie. Where is he, by the way?" she asked, grabbing clothes from the dresser and throwing them in the bed. "He left early this morning."

"Oh! Jamie said he needed to be somewhere important, and he'll see you when we return. Willie will be driving us to the airport." When Claire frowned, Annalise came up behind her and laid a hand on her shoulder. "Hey, we'll only be away for two days, and you'll see him again Sunday night."

It was apparent to Claire she'd been at a disadvantage waking up to the news of the weekend trip because if Jamie had suggested it a few days ago, she would have definitely put her foot down and refused. Unfortunately, Annalise and Jamie knew her too well; hence they'd planned this trip in secrecy.

Claire absorbed that for a few heartbeats and felt a tad of guilt. It had been a while she'd spent time with Annalise, and once her job was done in London, she'd be living with Jamie. Plus, who knew when she'd have another chance to hang out with her best friend ...just the two of them and in the Isle of Harris at that. Besides, they always had a great time together. There was no sense in spoiling their spontaneous weekend with her stubbornness. She might as well make the most of it.

Claire turned to face her friend and smiled. "Do I have time to shower?"

"Plenty of time," Annalise beamed. "While you get ready, I'll make some coffee. I know what you're like without your cuppa first thing." And with that, she danced out of the room, whistling, leaving Claire to shake her head in amusement.

Later that morning, as they drove past the motorway exit for the airport, Claire shifted restlessly in the backseat of Willie's car, watching the familiar structure pass by in a blur outside her window. She frowned. Willie must have forgotten to take the turn. Uh oh! But before she could say anything, Willie veered to a different dual-carriageway. She tried to relax back into her seat, thinking there was probably a different route to the airport she didn't know of.

Eventually, they pulled to a stop in front of a building that didn't resemble a terminal, but there was an airfield and a charter plane coming out of the hangar. When Willie stepped out of the car, a man with worn jeans, a black leather jacket and a pair of aviators waved. He looked kind of familiar, but Claire was unsure.

"Who is that?" Claire asked quietly.

Annalise followed her line of vision. "Oh, I thought you knew that guy." She frowned when Claire shook her head and squinted to get a better look. "I was told the guy flying our plane was the soon to be famous Highlands' ultimate guide to Scotland." As if on cue, the man removed his aviators and started walking towards their car, a smile plastered to his unshaven face. When he waved at them, Annalise giggled, and Claire's eyes widened in confusion. "You probably can't recognise him from afar ...it's your author, Tom Christie," Annalise announced with a satisfied smile and to her utmost shock. "He's flying us to Stornoway."

What the bloody hell? Jamie arranged this?

 Dear Readers,

Thank you all for your readership and the feedback from the previous chapter. I'm super thrilled a lot of you enjoyed it after what I put you all through with Jamie and Claire's roller-coaster journey. I hope it was worth it all in the end.

Speaking of the end, the next chapter will be the last for this arc, and after taking a break, I will start arc three of the WONDERWALL series. I'll keep you updated here. Meanwhile, feel free to speculate what the next chapter will be. Until my next update, wishing you all good health and vibes. X

[finaledenialist]

Cas is  a Libra manifesto

So, due to popular demand I am going to say this once and for all. Keep in mind that this is only my theory. like. Cas was created before the stars were made so. this is just trying to find the best zodiac match for his character. ok? ok.

Putting this under the cut because this is aimed at a very specific audience<3

First of all, this is an Air Sign. And rip to all of you but Cas is an Air Sign. Plus, Aquarius is also an Air Sign. Libra and Aquarius are super compatible. Dean and Cas are very similar but not the same. This just adds up:

When faced with a difficult situation, air signs are quick to rationalize it and examine it from all areas rather than react instinctually. For this reason, they’re great problem solvers and are willing to help loved ones look at their issues from an objective perspective

Cas is a strategist, a tactician. Yes, yes, too much heart was always Castiel’s problem, but above all he’s smart. He is a problem solver who is willing to solve them and damn the consequences. 

Air signs are elusive and hard to read. Because they often live so much in their mind they can come across as somewhat detached which can make it extremely hard for others to figure out what exactly it is that’s going on in that head of theirs.

Cas is not an open book. He keeps stuff to himself to the point it can actually cause trouble. 

Air signs prefer to make decisions with their head rather than on sheer emotion. The air zodiac signs are masters at critical thinking and instead of making rash decisions based on their emotions alone (like some of the other signs might tend to do) they prefer to make logical and calculated choices using their brain. They’re all about the facts and getting to the truth and they always weigh up every pro and con before making an important decision.

IF THIS IS NOT THE 15X18 PLOT?! He didn’t confess until it was a smart choice to do. Until he was able to turn the confession into a weapon. Of course it was emotional. But it was a smart choice. 

Air signs are free-spirits who can’t be controlled. All three of the air signs are well known for their free-spirited nature and they’re the kinds of signs that will go out and live life on their own terms instead of trying to conform to somebody else’s rules or standards.They don’t react well when people try to control them or put rules and expectations on what they should and shouldn’t do and they require the freedom to think and act in any way they like.

Well that speaks for itself :) 

Air signs are all about action, ideas, and motion—they are the “winds of change.” (...) Air signs bring everyone a breath of fresh air when things start to get stale. Like the breeze, you can’t quite catch them, and you never know where they’ll drop you once they sweep you up. It will almost always been an adventure, though.

Why libra, though?

While Libra's opposite sign, Aries, represents “me,” Libra symbolizes “we.”

Strengths: Collaborative, considerate, open-minded, socially developed, merciful. Weaknesses: Inherent, escapes conflicts, grudges, abnormal self-pity. Libra likes: Balance, kindness, parting with others, outdoor activities. Libra dislikes: Violence, injustice, confrontation.

People born under the Libra zodiac sign are often be seen as being indecisive, but if you try and understand them more deeply, you’ll see that this is a false judgement. They simply like to weigh the best options for themselves and everyone else around them. When they do make decisions, you can be assured that these decisions will give the best results for all parties involved.

(..) extremely diplomatic and fair, and they hate to see others be unhappy around them due to unequal circumstances - meaning sometimes they can come off as a people pleaser. (..) Harmony is a word that is very important to this sign - and peace in all aspects of their life is an imperative. Often seen as quite charming, Libra is a sign that will only be frustrated and unhappy if they think or feel that they haven't been treated fairly.

Libra is a zodiac sign that has a very strong sense of right and wrong, being modeled after the scales of justice. They are deeply concerned about what is fair in the world. They do not like to see anyone treated brashly or unfairly. This coupled with their objective nature means that they can become great mediators. However, their love of keeping the peace and avoiding conflict means that it’s rather easy for them to be self-sacrificing - what matters to them is the greater good of those around them, and sometimes that means that they must give something up for family or friends.

They don't mind, of course - and instead find happiness in seeing the smile on the faces of others. They come off as charming, helpful and generous people, who love to share their possessions and knowledge with those around them. Chatty and sociable, they also love to talk, often wining them many friends. Because of their objectivity and their deep sense of morality, they are often great person to go to when you need a carefully weighed answer to a question or some well thought out advice.

bonus:

a.  Libra is the only zodiac constellation in the sky represented by an inanimate object. The other eleven signs are represented either as an animal or mythological characters throughout history.

b. Jesus was most probably born around 23rd september and not 25th december

[buttercup-of-kaer-morhen]

Hello yes I am Completely Anonymous ONCE AGAIN and I have a prompt for you! Temporary (perhaps potion or drug induced?) Amnesiac!Geralt being absolutely floored and delighted that Jaskier is his lover. Please and thank you.

Hey completely anon,

I may or may not have gone a little off script for this prompt and really wanted to write more for my dumb magical college AU. Hope you enjoy it anyway. May I present!

Magic and Exams: Amnesia

Main tags: college AU, it’s modern but with magic slapped in, Jaskier and Yenn are besties (Fight me), Lambert/Aiden kinda?, Non human Jaskier,  And they were roommates~, pure fluff, pre relationship, pining… Kinda, unbetaed, we die like Renfri

——

It was official! Fate was cruel and destiny hated him. Jaskier had been fine with how life had been going. Classes were good. Friends were great. And, you know, he had finally stepped into a tentative friendship territory with his hot roomie rather than that weird close relationship you develop with your roomie. Things were just grand!-- Ignore the fact that he had a monster crush on said roomie, not important!-- What was important was that Lambert, the ass, suddenly showed up on Jaskier’s free day-- a day he was dedicating to his reading and composing, bouncing around his hobbies as he pleased-- with a semi confused looking Geralt. The witcher had barged into the dorm room towing Geralt along as Aiden brought up the rear. Now, he was going to ignore this intrusion at first but Lamby seemed to have other ideas. He loudly proclaimed to the bewildered white wolf that this was his room and, oh look, his partner. “Go ham bro!” To which, Geralt’s gaze snapped to Jaskier and proceeded to silently stare at the musician in contemplation.

Jaskier, as one would imagine, was stunned as his brain tried to understand what was happening but the dickhead explained no further as he turned to leave. Having none of it, Jaskier quickly stumbled to his feet and bolted for the two retreating figures, almost tripping several times on the shit covering the floor-- he really needed to remember to clean one of these just as Geralt had nagged him to do days ago! He managed to get a hand on the other wolf before he fully got out the door. “Explain. Now.” He demanded, his voice warbling as his eyes darkened slightly. 

“Woah shrimp!Calm your tits, you’re starting to look a little red around the gills-- Seriously though, a little siren is beginning to show.” Lambert tried to make light of the situation-- fish puns again, really Lambert?-- even though his smile gained a touch of nervousness as Jaskier tightened his grip. He held back his claws for the moment but he was this close to having a truly marvelous freak out on the man if he didn’t start giving answers. 

“Calm down angelfish, Lambert’s just being a prick as per usual.” Aiden cut off anything Lambert was going to say. Lambert gasped in betrayal as he gave the third witcher a look that probably tried to convey how much he was wounded, he couldn’t really see though nor did he really care right now. “Situation is, we were having a class trip across campus, something monster related that our proff was gushing the fuck over and insisted we needed to see. Waaaay too excited over it if you ask me but while we were passing a class of freshies in an outdoor charms 101 class, this one chick starts going off at--” Aiden explained but really, it seemed more like he was slowly getting off topic as he spoke. 

“Kitty, Get. To. The. Point.” He insisted slowly punctuating each word, while frowning in annoyance.

“Rude. I am! Anyway, this girl gets into a row with this guy in her class and fires off some kind of spell which was deflected but hilariously it ricocheted right towards us.” That was not hilarious in anyway but rather terrifying but Jaskier refrained from pointing this out. “You know Geralt though, life loves to fuck with him, so he gets hit straight in the back with it and Poof! He can’t remember some shit now. We think he only remembers up to starting college but nothing after.” Aiden finally finishes with a proud smile at having riveted the musician with his tale of adventure but it diminishes slightly in the face of Jaskier’s baffled expression. The half-siren really was quite proud of it, it just conveyed the right amount of Are you fucking idiots or did you just lose your brain on the way over!?

Jaskier took a deep breath and calmed himself before flatly staring both in the eye, his fingers steepled in front of his mouth as he thought of how to respond. “And why, pray tell, did you bring my accidentally spelled roommate to me rather than sending him to infirm?” He asked, deceptively sweet with a razor’s edge to it. 

Lambert scoffed. “He was being fucking annoying--” His words were abruptly cut off by Aiden’s hand roughly smacking over his mouth. 

“What he means is…” Aiden growled, glaring at the wolf to make sure he kept his mouth shut, to which Lambert huffed and flipped him off but otherwise remained silent. “Geralt kept prodding us ‘bout going to see his partner and, well, you were like the only one we could think of since everyone else has someone and this idiot is single like you.” The man punctuated his simplistic logic with a small shrug. 

Jaskier took a deep breath through his nose. “Uh-huh… This is a terrible fucking idea--” Before he could finish what he wanted to say, Lambert suddenly yanked his self free of his grip and threw Aiden over his shoulder.

“Your problem now bard!” He called over his shoulder as he booked it down the hall, cackling like the bastard he was. 

“Oh nonononono! Get the fuck back here!” He called after fruitlessly. They were already long gone. 

Jaskier sighed as he turned and closed the door to their room. Geralt seemed to have ignored and blocked out the whole exchange. Whether out of courtesy for Jaskier privacy or in favor of refamiliarizing himself with their space, he’d never know nor did he really care. When he finally turned his gaze back onto Jaskier, he just stared while scowling intensely in thought. It was rather insulting if Jaskier was being frank. With a roll of the eyes, the musician realized he’d just have to roll with whatever the idiots told Geralt about their “relationship” but wanted to head off the coming disappointment from the witcher. Jaskier was obviously not what he had been expecting, especially since normally the man barely tolerated him much less ever tried to invite him out, but it would sting less if he were the one to address it rather than the larger man stating it. At least that’s what he told himself. “Ok, alright. I know I’m not what you were expecting and rather disappointing compared to some of your past dalliances but please, let’s just get you to infirm. Once you have  your head back on right, everything will make more sense about the whole us thing and we can just forget about this whole embarrass--”

“You’re so handsome…” Geralt’s awed words cut Jaskier’s rambling off at the knees and had him blinking in surprise. “Or cute. No, both… How do you manage to be both?!” Geralt’s marveling had Jaskier at a loss for words. The witcher had never once complimented him in all the time they had lived together. Barbed jabs? Yes. Playful teasing? Very Often. Statements of facts? Definitely. But actual full on compliments? Nope! No, never happened. Was this how he actually saw the musician or was this some hokey hocus pocus side effect?! Or the man was dying as they spoke and was out of his mind. Either way Jaskier snapped his mouth closed, no it had not been hanging open thank you very much, and tried to get his brain to work again. 

“Wai-What?” Smooth Jaskier. His flabbergasted tone and excessive blinking seemed to not queue in Geralt however. 

“Man, I really lucked out. How’d I get a catch like you to even look my way? Wish I could remember how…” The normally stoic individual whistled long and low as he gave Jaskier a once over. A once over! Like Jaskier was a hottie from a club-- or however Ren said it-- instead of some music nerd overloaded with college minors! Jaskier was so astonished and caught off guard that he bagan sputtering incoherently, much to the Witcher’s amusement apparently if the wolfish grin was anything to go by. He was shocked and scandalized! Delighted but absolutely shocked! He had never witnessed this side of his roommate. Instead of addressing whatever was happening here, Jaskier stumbled over to his phone on the bed and quickly dialed Yennefer. 

It rang twice before he heard the familiar click of her answering and began nearly shouting before she could give her usual passive aggressive hello. “Yenn! I need help--”

“Whoa, calm the fuck down Jask, what the hell happened?!” Her worried demands cut him off. It was rather heartwarming to know his best friend sounded ready to draw blood for him. He could coo and awe about that later though!

“I’m fine but Geralt got hit with some hoodoo amnesia magic but I think it’s really just killing him! He’s acting delusional Yenn! He called me cute-- Stop laughing! This is serious!” He attempted to explain what was going on but his witch cut him off with her hysterical laughing on the other end of the line. Rude, by the way. This was a very serious matter.

“Sorry Dandy, you just, whew, gave me the best pick me up, I could have asked for. You really got me.” Yenn attempted to speak after most of it calmed down but a few giggles still managed to slip out. 

“Yenn… I’m serious. He actually doesn--” He was cut off yet again. People really needed to cut that shit out. 

“Lemme guess, Lambert is somehow involved?” She questioned, finally taking him a little more seriously, and he could practically hear her eye roll at the mischief maker’s name. 

“Yes…” He confirmed slowly as his eye wandered to Geralt again as his panic died down slightly. The white haired man looked very confused as Jaskier tried to smile reassuringly but it probably came off as unsure at best. 

The larger man came closer and placed warm large hands on his biceps as he looked intently into Jaskier’s eyes. “I mean it… I’m sorry if I never told you, I guess I was a pretty shitty boyfriend if I never told you how wonderful and caring you seem to be.” The other man apologized, as he looked away in shame. The words had the musician’s heart going wild as Yenn continued to talk in his ear. He really couldn’t hear her over his heart beating in his ears but it sounded like a demand to get Geralt to the infirmary. 

To which Jaskier answered, “That’s nice dear. I think I have to go to infirm now because I believe my heart is about to give out.” His voice was sighed out in shock as he hung up on Yenn’s sudden worried screeching.  Geralt on the other hand suddenly looked panicked and rather worried. 

“What?” He questioned as he started to look over his “boyfriend”. “Don’t worry Jask, I’ll get you there. Just hang on.” Geralt tried to reassure him, his voice was handsome with how rough and rumbling it suddenly was, as he scooped the smaller man up into his arms like a bride. No, Jaskier did not swoon he’ll have you know! The wolf then booked it out of the room. “Damn it! I wish Roach were here…” He muttered in a growl and Jaskier thanked the heavens that the man did not remember his horse-- cat? Was in their room sleeping. There would be plenty of rumors after this but it especially would have gone down in infamy if the Witcher had rode like the wind across campus on horseback again. Jaskier couldn’t do much at that point except lay back, accept his fate, and enjoy the other’s cooing, about taking care of his boyfriend or how good Jaskier was, while it lasted. But hey, at least he’d finally get Geralt to infirm.

[abirddogmoment]

In what way does Mav fit your idea of a perfect dog/companion? And in what ways not? I’m asking because I’m interested in a brittany and want to do similar activities as you do (lots of outdoor exploring mostly, maybe dabble in some dog sports on the weekends) thanks for your time!

Mav is a truly great adventure companion, especially for “weekend warrior” people like me. This might get a bit long so I’m throwing it under a cut:

(ps I stole this photo)

Reasons why Mav makes a good adventure companion:

He is enthusiastic and very happy to be involved no matter what we’re doing

He has stamina and can keep up easily if we want to go all day

He genuinely enjoys being out, especially if he is off-leash

He responds well to consistent training and is legitimately very smart

He can settle extremely well in the car or at camp

He can entertain himself when we’re busy

He isn’t obnoxiously demanding attention or food during downtime

He is portable in case of emergency (35lbs/15kgs)

He is SUPREMELY adaptable (this is my absolute favourite thing about Maverick) and can adjust to random meal and bedtimes, to weird transportation (like five days in a canoe), to basically any stranger, in just about every environment I’ve tried

Reasons why Mav isn’t the best adventure companion:

The brain cells live in the nose; I will always be competing against the environment for his attention

He can be a flight risk due to prey drive and can only be off-leash in certain conditions

He has no self-preservation or pacing; he can and has injured and exhausted himself because he’d rather chase stuff than slow down and live

He is overly excited when greeting people and dogs which might not be ideal if trails are busy

He doesn’t have very good cold tolerance in general

Brittanies in general seem to be phenomenal dogs; Mav certainly is. He has a really, really great temperament for adventures or sports (Mav has tried beginner level agility, barn hunt, dock diving, and amateur nosework. His fave is barn hunt) in that he can chill in hit crate until his turn to run, run with all the enthusiasm in the world, wiggle and say hi to strangers, then return to his crate until his next run. Or he can chill in a crate in the car for eleven hours until we get to where we want to launch a canoe, sit in a canoe, then run around sniffing some sand until it’s time for bed. He is filled with love and enthusiasm no matter what we’re doing or who we’re with. He is genuinely a very easy dog.

CAVEAT:

Badly-bred brittanies can be nervy as all hell. Go with a good breeder with sound temperaments FOR SURE

I admittedly dropped the ball on some pretty critical training with puppy!Mav, but I focused SO MUCH on foundations so he would make a good companion. I enforced settling and self-entertaining and adaptability in new environments to set him up for success

Mav had his recall proofed with an ecollar and it’s still not 100%, and we’ve been working on it for over 2 years now. I don’t know a single brittany owner that trusts their dog off-leash, and every single one I know has used an ecollar to proof/train recall

IN CONCLUSION I would recommend a brittany to someone who wants an adventure or sports dog! They aren’t known for being high-drive dogs (I put Mav at a solid medium, Miles thinks he’s a low/medium) but they probably could be if you really worked on it. I’d say they’re pretty high-energy dogs, but it’s very manageable if you work on settling along with some significant exercise every day (or few days if you do brain games in between). 

Let me know if you have more questions!

[thejoshuaglenn-blog]

You're a Good Boy, Charlie Brown

The key purpose of a Tumblr blog here is really a brain dump: logging thoughts, feelings, narrative and such is easier in long form than via a brief Facebook post that generates half a dozen "oh no, what happened" comments. As I'm writing this, most of it seems like bullet points and organized timelines. If you're looking for a TL;DR or current state of thoughts, it's the last section titled The Day After, and the Day After That.

A few days ago, Niko and I said goodbye to our first dog, Charlie Brown.

I'm not keen to chat about it a lot. There's more to process than I have time to type; most of it centers around being fair to myself and to Niko, taking the time to appreciate his life without beating ourselves up, and avoiding the overwhelming mire that grief can become.

Joining the Family

CB was a rescue, a hapless victim of the 2016 Louisiana floods and a happy-go-lucky participant in a "dog for a day" event hosted by a local shelter. I fully expected to rent him out for a day, give him a few great experiences, and return him. For myriad reasons, we never did bring him back to Pet Rescue by Judy, and he's been with us ever since.

At adoption, he was estimated to be around 4-8 years old. With a kicked-in shoulder that offset his collarbone and ribcage, some assorted dental issues, and other little signs of damage (cigarette burns, what the heck is wrong with people), it was tough to really gauge his age. That means he left this world at the ripe old age of something like 9-13, which isn't terrible considering all he'd been through.

Charlie Brown was the iconic good boy. He seldom barked, he never licked or jumped, and just wanted to be in the same room as his favorite people. He had a few toys that he cherished, never ripping them up, just carrying them with him from room to room and whining a bit, unsure of where he could store them for safekeeping. Apart from some separation anxiety issues and an occasional urge to bolt out the door and book it as far as he could, CB was by all accounts an easy first dog: more like a low-effort cat than anything else.

Slowly Falling Apart

Over time, the health issues increased. Intermittent but predictably regular upset tummy. Bad gums, bad teeth. Random gooey skin lesion. Eye ulcers. Since October, we've been averaging 2-3 unplanned vet visits a month — many incurring some hefty bills. We'd take out another credit card, find another financing plan, but it adds up. So does the emotional toil on the family; so does the anxiety toll on the dog.

You start to think about quality of life for the dog, you know? He'd had a few teeth removed to sew up his gums after they kinda detached and fell apart from his jawbone — so he couldn't chew anything hard. Couldn't even chew a tennis ball, which was the only toy he took interest in anymore. Couldn't have any fun treats like peanut butter or other soft chews, as his tummy would have bad flare-ups that usually ended up with him attached to an IV bag. After finally settling in and learning to play well with Atlas, Charlie Brown started to get pretty irritable whenever Atlas got frisky.

He still loved running around outdoors, and was in otherwise great health.

I can't tell you how guilty that makes me feel, even now.

Moving to Waltham

Before we left Orlando, there were so many crisis moments in emergency vet offices where Niko and I talked about how long he could ride this roller coaster. CB obviously was not a fan of vet visits: loved the staff, but was notably anxious and panicky when separated from us, and he had grown very loathe to the process of poking, prodding, and whatnot.

Shortly after moving to Waltham (he was a champ in the U-Haul), Charlie Brown had a severe colitis flare-up. He was losing so much fluid and was growing very lethargic over the day. Vets are hard to get into these days: with the sweep of "pandemic puppy" adoptions, the vet industry as a whole is saturated with demand, and practices are responding as best they can. There were just no emergency clinics available to us within 20 miles, except one that noted "we have no availability, but you can come and wait, and we might be able to see you in 4 or 5 hours." So we did.

It was a very late night. Charlie Brown came home with us with another round of the same antibiotics he'd been taking almost regularly since December for his assorted ailments, and some probiotics. The next day, CB seemed a bit better and brighter, and Niko and I went into the city for part of the day. We came home to find he'd had an accident, but it was just... blood. So so much. And he looked so in pain, so ashamed, so guilty, so anxious.

So we went back to the vet ER. It was another very late night. I didn't know how many of these late nights we could afford; neither of us knew how many of these late nights it was fair to expect Charlie Brown to endure.

Do you plan on letting a pet go after an extended crisis visit? Do you plan on letting a pet go in a time of relative peace?

Camping Analogy, and a Best Last Day

When you're off on a long hike, and you see daylight start to fade as the sun begins to set, you begin to think about finding a good place to set up camp for the night. It's abysmal to do this after the sun has already gone down: where you could have had preparation and structure, you have chaos by flashlight.

A dog's life is in your hands. You're his whole world: all food, adventure, pampering, challenge, treatment, and care come from you. More than anything, we wanted Charlie Brown to have a peaceful, restful life. Now that we started thinking about it, we wanted to be able to give him a peaceful, restful passing as well: not as the climax of another overnight crisis with injections and yelps and beeps and cowering and anxiety and fear, but in the still quiet of familiar sounds and smells.

His very last day was a great one. Fresh Pond in Cambridge: a massive stroll around a colossal lake with an absurd bounty of new smells, kind people, happy dogs, and a brisk New England breeze. He got to swim in a little side pond — that boy lived for jumping into random lakes. He ran around the broad field that is Kingsley Bowl, chasing a thrown ball the very very farthest his sad pop could throw it — and he brought it back. We bought him a steak. We told him how much he brought to our lives.

And then we waited.

Lap of Love is a sort of home delivery service of dignified passing for pets. There's more to say on that hour than I care to pen, but throughout the procedure, we never left him. Charlie Brown passed enveloped in our arms and laps and sobs and hugs.

The Day After, and the Day After That

The rest is just thoughts. Your head starts to feel like a coffee shop where your grief comes in, sits at a table with you, and unloads. You nod, listen, and wish them well. I hope I can keep processing this way — I find it helpful, and less overwhelming.

I wish he had been able to play with his tennis ball more. Since his jaw surgery — even out on Kingsley Bowl, nearly a month and a half after he should have been fully healed — any kind of chewing would cause renewed bleeding and pain.

I wish we had hugged him more. But truth be told, he didn't like hugs. They made him uncomfortable. So we gave him a hand to lay his head on, or a knee for him to pop his head upon, as often as he liked.

There were so many times I felt inconvenienced by owning a dog at all. They weren't the majority, but... now each remembered time feels like a splinter of selfishness.

I miss how familiar the back of his neck felt under my hand, just behind the ears, where the waves of fur meet and crash and make a long cowlick of foof and fluff.

His happy smile and his stressed smile were very similar, but you could still tell which was which.

I loved being there for him in thunderstorms.

When you think about it, we sort of were hospice care for him. We weren't his original owners; we just wanted the rest of his life to be painless and fulfilling. He had so many trust issues when he first came to us. And in the end, he loved anyone he met.

I miss feeling around with my feet to make sure I don't step on him on my way to bed. I miss setting my feet on the floor as I wake, stooping down, and giving his head a good squishy rub.

He never did get to see Boston snow. I mean... thousands of dogs never get to see snow. But I was really looking forward to sharing that experience with him.

I wanted so badly to bring him to a point of health, and then say goodbye when he was feeling well. Seeing him have his Best Last Day, part of me whispered "murderer" with cold accuracy, and I have a hard time shaking it. He was so happy — but between jaw bleeding after playing with a tennis ball, seeing him scratch his eyes that were starting to ache with ulcers again... I know the unbridled happiness came with the reality of his declining health.

Atlas was the best thing that ever happened to that boy. I know Charlie Brown was at least a little disgruntled that his easy-going day-to-day had been interrupted by a chompy puppy, but Atlas brought out the young pup in CB: ripping palm fronds to shreds, playing tug, playing tag, meeting new dogs with confidence and assurance.

I used to get so mad at my mother-in-law for feeding Charlie Brown cinnamon donuts. I wish I'd given him more. Heck, I wish I'd given him more peanut butter. I'm frankly surprised he hadn't died of peanut butter overdose years ago.

Where Charlie's health had limits, we kept going with Atlas. That might mean taking Atlas out to play with a ball or a tug toy, because CB couldn't. It breaks my heart now to think of Charlie at the glass door just watching it happen, all because he physically couldn't play the same. I know he didn't understand that.

We took him out to Park Ave maybe once or twice. I wish it had been more. Truth be told, it was the same as the dog park, though: he was kind of a loner. Loads of people or dogs made him anxious. So while I might idealize the past and wish he had sat at our legs for lunch after lunch at an outdoor thoroughfare, ... I think he would have been miserable. I think he would have rather just curled up at the base of the couch and dozed while we watched a show.

He was so trusting. I could just drag him onto his back and onto my lap for cuddles and a good tummy rub. No complaints.

He looked so gaunt these past few months. I keep looking at earlier photos, and I really didn't realize just how grizzly and drawn he had become lately.

I miss seeing him randomly waiting for me outside the bathroom door — or curled up on the bath mat while I was in the shower, having sneakily nosed the door open and wanting my company while I was rinsing.

For his first few years with us, he was incredibly playful. I've been going through old videos — it's like going outside just blew his mind, and toys were either for cherishing daintily, or thrashing about and throwing to oneself and gnawing. He lost that after a time. He regained it a bit when Atlas joined the party. But it still faded. I'm sure that's inevitable, but it makes me sad to see the early vibrant puppy in those old recordings, and how different he had been in recent months.

[haikyuu-scenarios-box]

Haikyuu Horrors — Week 1 🔪

Wendigo — Kuroo Tetsurou x GenderNeutral!Reader

Next week: Demon — DemonKing!Oikawa Tooru x FallenAngel!Reader A/N: lowkey dedicating this to @kageyama-tho​​​ and @normiewrites​​ bc i love their blogs and they said they love horror stories fuck me up im so excited to write next week’s scenario The setting is in the Ashio Copper Mine and I had to make a couple of changes for the sake of the story. Although the mine’s been abandoned since 1973, tours are still carried out to this day and it’s a popular tourist spot. I’ve diverged from that (and some of the geography) and made it so that the mine’s been closed completely since 1973, including the public.  TW: character deaths, gore, blood, mentions of cannibalism and murder this is a wendigo scenario what did u expect Word count: 3,617

UNDER THE CUT

__________

January 9th, 2018. 12:47:32 AM Ashio, Nikko, Tochigi Prefecture The Kuroos Cabin

They both lived beneath a sky forsaken by the sun. 

The threat of fractures haunted their bones, the undertones of their skin had been drained and exhaustion circled their eyes. 

They both lived beneath a blinding white, their irises forever glazed.

Steam rose up from the latte that sat near the map of Nikko. [Y/n] had only taken a couple of sips of the coffee, finding the flavour disgustingly sugary. There was no element of surprise there, though - after all, it came from power in a packet. Superficial scratches ran along the desk, worn down from the never-ending notes and diagrams that [y/n]’s pens drew.

‘It’s almost one in the morning.’

‘Oh, Tetsurou,’ [y/n] approached Kuroo, wrapping their arms around his waist, ‘How come you’re up?’

‘I was asleep until I heard the kettle boiling,’ he chuckled, his fingers combing through their hair. Agony sank into Kuroo’s chest as several strands came out. He ensured that they ate three healthy meals a day, remained hydrated and spent time outdoors, but inadequate sleep takes a great toll on any body. 

‘The coffee tasted awful, so it wasn’t even worth waking you up for,’ they said sheepishly, ‘sorry.’ 

When it came to [y/n]’s insistence on tagging along with Kuroo during his trips to Nikko, he possessed an immeasurable dislike. The steady decline in [y/n]’s health induced a sickening anxiety within him, causing numerous arguments that all led to his failure in persuasion. [Y/n] always prevailed, ending up with him in their expensive two-story cabin in Ashio, drinking that godawful packet coffee throughout the night. 

Kuroo grabbed both of [y/n]’s hands, placing a kiss on each knuckle. ‘Come to bed,’ he coaxed, leading them out of the study.

‘I can’t,’ [y/n] pulled away, ‘I’ve got a new lead and I’ll lose my train of thought if I leave it for the morning.’ 

A long, dejected sigh left Kuroo’s lips. Their marriage of three years was fulfilling and filled with immense joy, there was not a speck of doubt about that fact. It was that obsession of theirs that caused concrete to pour into his lungs. For the entire year, it’d non-existent – it only emerged during those winter trips. It was almost a ritualistic occurrence that was triggered by lingering trauma. 

‘It’s been six years, [y/n],’ he said with sorrow, immense grief overwhelming him.  

‘And I’ll work on this case for another six if that’s needed,’ [y/n] returned to their desk, eyeing the blueprint taped to the wall above it. It was entirely taped with maps of nearby areas, newspaper clippings from 2012, head shots of the volleyball team they managed in high school - everything that they believed would assist them. 

‘Look at this,’ [y/n] turned their laptop towards him, showing him a list of names on an excel spreadsheet. 

‘Since when did you become so tech-savvy?’ Kuroo grinned slyly. 

‘Firstly, excel isn’t tech-savvy,’ they scoffed, ‘Secondly, don’t change the topic,’ they demanded. ‘I made a list of everyone who disappeared from the area over the past six years.’

Kuroo leaned into the screen, his pupils drifting down the list. 

‘And?’ 

[Y/n] pointed to the column titled “disappearance”, ‘Ever since the winter of 2014, the year they closed the investigation, a bunch of people would vanish within days of each other. All of them had no familial connections and barely any relationships, so there’s never been any pressure on the police to find them.’

Their lips pressed against the ceramic cup, taking a sip of their now-lukewarm coffee. ‘I’m glad neither of us have gotten snatched so far,’ they laughed nervously.

‘Probably because we’re not a socially inept,’ Kuroo chuckled, burying his face into the crook of their neck. He grabbed their shoulders tenderly, turning them around. ‘They’re dead, [y/n],’ Kuroo said with a soft voice. He placed his hands on their cheeks, the pad of his thumbs stroking their cheekbones. ‘They got lost during the snowstorm that day and died of hypothermia.’

‘No, they didn’t!’ they yanked his grip off them.

‘For fuck’s sake, [y/n]!’ Kuroo exploded, yelling in frustration, ‘The case was solved years ago! You’re losing sleep and ruining your health for nothing!’

‘You’re so full of shit!’ they fumed, ‘I know you don’t believe that because you were obsessed with this case too, remember?! But unlike you, I didn’t stop caring about what happened to our friends!’

‘I didn’t stop caring, I just moved on!’ Kuroo stepped towards into them, driving them to walk backwards until their back pressed against the wall. ‘Every year, you insistent on coming with me and I let you. I try so damn hard to make sure that you don’t return to your obsession, but you do it the moment I fall asleep.’

[Y/n] cowered under Kuroo’s intense gaze; his eyebrows knitted as air hissed between his teeth.

‘You’re never coming back here ever again,’ Kuroo walked away, prepared to slam the door shut, ‘we’re leaving in the morning.’

‘The mines, Tetsurou!’ 

The muscles within Kuroo’s shoulders suddenly relaxed, his posture slumping. ‘The Ashio Copper Mines that'd been abandoned since 1973...’ [y/n] began, ‘the police never even considered checking them.’

He finally looked at them, donning a smile riddled with misery.

‘Do... do you really want to know what happened?’

‘Of course I do! Don’t you dare tell me that you found out and kept it from me,’ [y/n] said with disgust. 

‘If you were the one who found out first, I would’ve been furious if you didn’t keep it from me,’ Kuroo picked up their snow jackets from the clothes rack, 'let’s go.’

__________

‘How are we meant to get in? The adit’s sealed,’ [y/n] rubbed their gloved hands together furiously, vapour drifting out of their mouth.  

‘Not fully,’ Kuroo walked over to the slabs of wood that covered the left edge of the adit. He placed a hand against them, his brain vividly recalling his first venture inside. The images pulsated within his eyes, almost liquefying them within their sockets.

Kuroo began to move the wood, each one sinking into the snow as he discarded them.

‘It’s a really small gap, but I think we’ll be able to squeeze through. Come,’ he ushered.

Although the glacial breeze no longer pricked into [y/n]’s exposed skin, the place somehow intensified their cold-induced numbness; as though fungus began to bloom from their pores. They believed that their unease was caused by the dark, but it continued to plague their muscles even after Kuroo flicked on the flashlight.

‘Hey, it’s alright,’ Kuroo put his arm around them, ‘there’s nothing threatening our wellbeing down here.’ 

‘Except for the rocks above us that may tumble down at any moment,’ [y/n] shuddered, ‘where exactly are we going? I-it’s still pretty dark.’

‘I want to show you what I found,’ Kuroo held them even closer, ‘Don’t worry, there’s no skeletons,’ he smirked.

‘This is not the time to joke around!’ 

A shriek erupted deep within the mines, the sudden spike in their blood pressure inducing a shiver into every vertebrae.

‘W-what on earth was that?’ [y/n] wheezed, breaking away from Kuroo. They frantically looked around, but their vision was limited to what the flashlight exposed. A droplet of water fell onto their scalp from the rusty beams above, causing them to gasp and jump backwards into Kuroo. 

‘Calm down,’ he cooed, holding [y/n]’s hand. ‘It’s been abandoned for over a decade and everything’s breaking down. Odd noises aren’t unusual.’

[Y/n] nodded with a gulp, their saliva soothing their dry throat. 

‘That elevator though’—Kuroo pointed the flashlight to his left, revealing a cage elevator—‘didn’t break down much. It worked fine the last time I was here.’  

‘The last time?’ [y/n] scoffed playfully, ‘You’ve been going on spooky adventures without me?’ they asked sarcastically. 

'Can’t comfort you every time you get startled,’ he snickered. He led them into the elevator and pulled the latch, the coils creaking as it took them upwards. 

Their arm was tightly looping around his, horrified at the possibility that they’d get separated. 

‘The wendigo’—Kuroo grunted as he slid open the cage-like door of the elevator—‘is a mythological creature that comes from Algonquian folklore.’

Logs of moldy wood were hammered into the walls over the rocks underneath, the spotlights mounted on them burnt out years ago. Several mine trolleys ran along the railway, ores of copper overflowing. The soles of Kuroo’s shoes created a crunch as he walked onto the pebbles covering the ground.

‘Tetsurou,’ they said with a stern voice, ‘when I said that this isn’t the time to joke around, I meant it.’

‘What, you’re not into Native American culture?’ Kuroo teased.

‘I’m not into you trying to scare me even more.’ 

‘[Y/n]…’ Kuroo placed his forehead against theirs, giving it a slow and gentle kiss, ‘... you have to trust that I’m telling you all this for a reason.’

[Y/n] held Kuroo’s hand in silent agreement, continuing to follow his lead. 

‘The Algonquian people believe that when a human starves long enough, the wendigo spirit will begin to possess them, driving them to have thoughts of cannibalism.’

A screech almost entirely pierced through [y/n]’s eardrums, a high-pitched ringing flourishing within their ears. The hairs along their body pointed upwards as their lower lip quivered.

‘Humans who find themselves in such a situation usually succumb out of survival. But even then, they’re not excused from the sin they committed. Their fate to transform into a wendigo, a man-eating monster, is sealed. That is their punishment.’

Another screech, this time leading to the sensation of an ice pick digging within [y/n]’s ears.

‘What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck!’ [y/n] looked at Kuroo with fury and repulsion, ‘Y-you’re so damn casual about t-th-that story! And those sounds!’—they waved their hands around, attempting to come up with an appropriate description—‘Those a-aren’t things b-b-breaking down, o-or a person that could be here, b-because it’s so—’ 

Multiple shrieks, shaking and swirling within the aged walls.

‘Monstrous?’ Kuroo turned around to face them, the hazel of his eyes seemingly green. ‘Our friends were trapped in the mines for weeks, [y/n]. They were starving.’ 

‘I really don’t like that you’re implying that our friends ate each other. And I don’t like that you’re narrating some campfire story while doing so,’ [y/n] backed away from him, ‘we’re leaving. We’re leaving right now.’

Kuroo completely neglected their demand, immediately clasping his hand around their wrist and dragging them forwards.

‘Let go!’ [y/n] dug their heels into the ground, clawing at his fingers, ‘Dammit, Tetsurou, let go of me!’ 

They’d known him since their first years at Nekoma. Well over a decade had passed since then, yet there was never a single occasion where force was an element of Kuroo’s touch. As a matter of fact, the delicacy and tenderness of his touches were a sharp contrast to the roughness of his callouses - that was the kind of man [y/n] developed an intense love for. Not the man that was forcibly dragging them somewhere they didn’t wish to be.

‘A wendigo never dies from starvation and its hunger is insatiable... that’s the whole point of the curse,’ Kuroo dismissed their pleas. He finally stopped in front of a row of small wooden planks, propped into a muddy patch of soil. ‘But when I found them during that winter in 2014, I made a vow to keep them well-fed. That list of missing persons you showed me? That was the menu.’

‘You fucking kidnapped people and threw them in here?!’ the next shriek led a burst within [y/n]’s ear canal to suddenly erupt, their own scream merging with the animalistic ones echoing within the mines. [Y/n] pressed their hands firmly against their ears, palms warm with the blood that slowly poured out. 

‘I killed them beforehand so they wouldn’t suffer.’ 

Their face was raw from the negative temperature of the night, their tears scorching it as they trailed down. Kuroo wrapped [y/n] within his arms, holding them tightly into his chest. It did not induce the slightest amount of comfort, though. Kuroo’s embrace was foreign, alarming and unspeakably nauseating. 

The white paint on the wooden sticks was almost entirely chipped away, age having worn them down. [Y/n] kneeled in front of them when they caught glance of the letters scratched into them, blinking rapidly to lessen the clouding of their vision.

Inuoka. Kai. Shibayama. Taketora.   

A cassette of the team devouring the intestines of those four played inside [y/n]’s mind, as though their body was taunting them. Bile rose up their stomach, burning the delicate membranes of their throat and mouth as they spat it out. 

‘W-who the fuck even are you?!’ they aggressively pushed Kuroo away, ‘You’re not the man I married! I d-didn’t marry a fucking murderer!’ 

 ‘You’d rather they starve again?’ he asked in disbelief.

‘You just said that those things don’t die from starvation!’ 

The next screech prompted Kuroo to stand up and face away from them, appearing to be waiting for something. ‘It’s not fair that we’re alive and happy, [y/n]. We both have to die just as horribly,’ he said in an uncharacteristically calm manner. If [y/n] hadn’t known any better, they would have believed that he was a deaf man that was completely unaware of the monstrous wails. ‘That is the punishment for our sin.’ 

 ‘What fucking sin? There’s no sin! Please, Tetsurou, this is all just survivor’s guilt—’ 

The muscles of their tongue tensed at the sight. The creature was no shorter than twelve feet, its legs thrice the length of its arms. Its pale, wrinkled and sickly grey skin was tightly taut against its bones due to severe emaciation; its abnormal skeleton on the verge of breaking through. No hair was to be found on its body - only frost. 

Its claws, the size of battle swords, sunk themselves into Kuroo’s head with ease; as though it were a needle gliding through a pin cushion. It placed its gaunt, sunken face in front of Kuroo’s, releasing a high-pitched scream that throbbed within [y/n]’s damaged ears. The short strings of decayed tendons that hung from shank-like teeth flew away from its mouth, some dropping to the ground.

[Y/n]’s pupils drifted towards the rocky ceiling of the mine, spotting several more wendigos screaming in hunger. The sound of flesh tearing caught their attention, leading them to look at Kuroo once more. 

The wendigo pulled his head upwards. [Y/n] watched every vein within his neck tear until his head was completely severed from his torso, splashes of ruby painting their face and dyeing their clothes. The vocal cords within their larynx were paralysed - even though the scent of rotten mince from their husband’s blood clung onto the hairs within their nostril, [y/n] found themselves incapable of making a single sound. Kuroo wasn’t capable of doing so either while he was ripped apart, the blood filling his upper body making him gurgle instead of scream. 

What distressed them even further was the wendigo’s sunken eyes. Its murky, faded golden eyes. 

‘... Kenma?’

The wendigos that lunged in [y/n]’s direction immediately snapped them out of their shock, prompting them to grab the flashlight. Sheer horror powered their legs to run to the elevator nearby; they possessed no desire to turn around and see how many there were exactly, especially when considering that that would slow their movements. 

Splinters and cuts embedded themselves into [y/n]’s fingers as they pushed large barrels, tumbled trolleys, rocks — anything and everything — in the wendigos’ way while they ran. Under normal circumstances, [y/n]’s strength to do such things would have been non-existent, but their heart beat fast enough for adrenaline to seep into every cell. Fear was a fuel to pushing the body well beyond its limits. 

Although [y/n] was relying on the unstable light they wavered around, the elevator began to enter their view. They extended their right hand out, prepared to close the metal door once they got in. Their brain was floating, their vision was hazing and their organs were collapsing. 

The unanticipated piercing of large, pointed teeth into [y/n]’s shoulder was what led them to finally scream. The wendigo was a creature of the winter, yet its bite was agonisingly hot. They could fully feel its humerus, rib cage, vertebrae — its entire skeleton — pressed against them while it lifted them off the ground. 

The wendigo was then suddenly ripped away from [y/n], Kenma — or rather, what used to be Kenma — having jumped at it. The pull tore several of [y/n]’s tendons, their nails digging into their shoulder to ease the throbbing sting.

With that singular brush of a four-leaf clover, [y/n] made it to the elevator at last. They found no time to apply pressure to their wound, dropping the flashlight and slamming the door shut. One of the wendigos gnawed at the bars, leading [y/n] to pull the latch frantically. It was significantly taller than the others - around fifteen feet. If it weren’t for its door, it would have easily grabbed [y/n]’s head and crushed it, giving them an end identical to Kuroo’s. 

[Y/n]’s head spun with a ruthless migraine, anxiety deepening while the wendigo refused to let go of its grip on the elevator while it ascended. They were unsure if it was their sole aim of escaping, or the trauma they’d gained from watching their husband’s severed head rolling towards them, but an intense rage engulfed them. They began to relentlessly and repeatedly slam the soles of their shoes against the wendigo’s claws. 

It screeched with a fury and pain, eventually letting go. When the elevator reached a halt, [y/n] realised that the adit was now close. 

[Y/n]’s brain began to shut down as they continued to run, following the white emitting from the small gap they entered from. The howls of those wendigos — their friends — reached a crescendo, blending into a singular note. They wondered how frequently they must have screamed as humans, desperate to suppress their hunger and restrain the wendigo spirit. Their survival relied on renouncing their humanity completely. Yaku, Fukunaga, Teshiro, Lev - they all succumbed, feasting upon the flesh of their teammates. All [y/n] could do was hope that they weren’t devoured alive. 

The truth of Kuroo’s last words regarding them tormented [y/n] - “they’re not excused from the sin they committed. Their fate to transform into a wendigo, a man-eating monster, is sealed. That is their punishment.”

When [y/n] finally squeezed themselves through the gap, they immediately barricaded it with the discarded planks of wood and nearby rocks. Their skin was encased with a filthy, blackened sheen of melted ice. It was a disgusting contrast to Kuroo’s blood on them; jelly-like, thick and sticky. Their own blood, on the other hand, warmed their bruised, sweaty body while it gushed out of their shoulder. It all made [y/n] reek of rust and mold.

 A loud, poignant wail left their cracked, bleeding lips, collapsing on all-fours as they sunk into the snow. Crimson and mahogany wept into the ground, tainting the white that stung their knees and palms. [Y/n]’s nostrils narrowed with mucous, dripping into their mouth and leaving a salty taste against their tongue. Tears tickled the tip of their nose as they fell and melted their way through the snow, the proof of their grief vanishing as quickly as it was born.

For a moment, they wondered if they’d sinned too.

__________

December 26th, 2018.  04:38:05 PM Ashio, Nikko, Tochigi Prefecture  Ashio Copper Mine

Years’ worth of wendigo-related research and observations, all hidden away in the cut outs Kuroo made within complex chemistry textbooks.

[Y/n] quietly chuckled to themselves as they dragged the ice sled up the short mountain, amused by their past naivety. Those hollowed books all rested on the large bookshelf in the living room, yet they never bothered to even read the titles. Not until after Kuroo was decapitated, that is. 

One of Kuroo’s hidden possessions included a comprehensive map of the Ashio region. When [y/n] sat down and analysed it the first time they found it, their loneliness for him surged. They were encouraged by others to return to the dating scene once they’d recovered, but they knew they’d never do so. [Y/n] wasn’t lonely for company - they were lonely for Kuroo.

Having reached the large hole situated above the Ashio Copper Mine, [y/n] kneeled beside the ice sled. In one of Kuroo’s diaries, he specified the only way he keep them well fed. There was a hole situated above the mountain housing the mine, deep enough to guarantee that no wendigo could climb up and emerge. That was where he dropped the bodies.

Several items were strapped onto the sled - a snowboard, a helmet and a thermally insulated box. However, they were mere props. They proved to be highly effective tools of disguise, attracting no suspicion whatsoever while they made their way from the town to the isolated mines. Those who passed by [y/n] never viewed the duffle bag as an object of interest. What menacing thing could there be in the bag of an individual clad in snowboard attire? Goggles? An extra pair of gloves? Bindings?

How extraordinarily slim was the probability that a corpse would be present?

Unzipping the duffle bag, [y/n] eyed the bloodied dent within the man’s temple. Kuroo specified that some Algonquians believed that the human remained trapped within the wendigo’s icy heart, but [y/n]’s always rejected that theory. The wendigo that was once Kenma tore its childhood friend in half, then proceeded to guzzle down his muscles and slurp on his pulsating arteries.

There was no human in there. 

But [y/n] finally understood the sin Kuroo referred to - it was the sin of escaping the ghastly demise their friends met. For committing that, they were rewarded with an equally violent death, or the punishment of ensuring that the wendigos remained fed when they awoke from hibernation every winter.

Some may say that that was not the case. That [y/n]’s statement that there was no sin — only survivor’s guilt — was correct. It was far too late for [y/n] to speculate on such matters, though. 

[Y/n] huffed as they dragged the body out and rolled it into the hole. Numerous revolting crunches echoed while its skeleton shattered, limbs at grotesque angles due to the obliteration of its joints.

When screeches bounced against the walls of the mines, they realised that they lived beneath a sky forsaken by the sun. 

Fractures began to settle within their bones, their complexion had been drained and exhaustion cursed their eyes with an itchy dryness.

They realised that they lived beneath a blinding white, their irises forever glazed.

[shytownie]

After starting & enjoying the Differences in the Family Tree challenge as posted by @samtastic-sims , I realized that the OP hasn’t updated the rules since late 2017. It therefore doesn’t include some gameplay elements I enjoy (namely, stuff from Jungle Adventure and StrangerVille). So I’ve reworked the challenge a bit to fit my own needs better. If you’re interested in trying these rules as well, you’re welcome to read on.

First, I’d like to say that any of these rules can and should be modified to suit your interests. I find these goals interesting, but you might not - and that’s totally fine. Second, these are more guidelines than rules, really. I’m not keeping score while playing, because I really just want to sit back and enjoy what happens in my game.

Now that we’ve got that out of the way, here are the “rules,” many of which are heavily borrowed from the above-mentioned ones I started with:

Generation One: Back to Nature

(BG + elements of Outdoor Retreat, Get Together, & Spa Day)

You grew up admiring sims who lived off the land and decide to strike out on your own in a similar way. Gardening, fishing, herbalism - if it’s an activity that involves being out in nature, it makes your heart happy. You only hope to find a soulmate who can appreciate your love for the outdoors.

Objectives:

Grow a garden with every type of plant from the store in it

Have and complete one of the nature aspirations

Get married, but no woohoo before marriage

Have a boy and a girl. Keep trying till you do!

Catch every type of fish (base game at least)

Marry a sim who also has the “Loves Outdoors” trait

Master the fishing skill

Master the gardening skill

Master the herbalism skill

Optional: Meet the Hermit of Granite Falls

Optional: Join or found a gardening club

Optional: Develop the Wellness skill

Optional: Find and travel to the Sylvan Glade and/or the Forgotten Grotto

Generation Two: Bright Lights, Big City

(BG + elements of City Living, Get Together, & Get Famous [optional])

Your parents fostered the not-so-secret hope that you would follow in their footsteps to become an earthy gardener like them. You had a good childhood, but the city is calling your name. You want to make waves and have your voice heard.

Objectives:

Woohoo as much as you want & have kid(s) - marriage or commitment is optional

Live in an apartment in San Myshuno

Have ambitious or outgoing trait

Join the political career

Master Charisma

Complete the City Native Aspiration

Collect all the snow globes & city posters

Learn at least 10 recipes from food stalls

Have at least 10 friends

Win at the Humor & Hijinks festival or GeekCon at least once

Join/start protests whenever possible

Optional: Master the dancing skill

Optional: Master the singing skill

Optional: Max out good or bad reputation

Generation Three: Visionary Artist

(BG + elements of Get to Work & Get Famous)

Your parents’ passion and drive fed your own love for creative pursuits. While you may not have political ambitions like they did, you want to make your own impact on the world through art or music.

Objectives:

Marry, woohoo, have kid(s) - only one, if possible

Have and complete a creativity-focused aspiration

Have one or more of the following traits: art lover, creative, music lover, or perfectionist

Master at least two creative skills: painting, photography, guitar, violin, piano, organ, media production

Write at least 10 books or compose 10 pieces of music

Paint at least 10 Masterpieces or obtain an award for media production or a music composition

Have some murals in your home (city living)

Join any of these careers: writer, painter, critic [arts branch], entertainer [music branch]

Optional: Run your own studio to sell and exhibit your work

Optional: Don’t have a good relationship with parents

Optional: Obtain at least 3 stars of fame

Generation Four: Adventurer

(BG + Jungle Adventure)

Your parents’ preoccupation with their art often left you to your own devices. That let you to an obsession with history and a yearning for adventure. You long to study archaeology and learn about Selvadorada.

Objectives:

Have (through birth or adoption) at least one child

Do not join any career (rabbit hole, interactive, or work-from-home) - your sim is a free spirit

Have the Noncommittal trait

As soon as your sim is able once they are a young adult, travel to Selvadorada

Complete at least one of the Jungle Adventure aspirations, preferably both

Master the Archaeology skill

Master the Selvadoradian culture skill

Befriend at least 5 Selvadoradian locals

Your sim supports themself through artifact-verification commissions (obtained once your sim has a high enough Archaeology skill)

Optional: keep a display case of keepsakes from your adventures

Optional: Develop your sim’s writing skill once they’ve completed their Selvadorada aspirations

Optional: Write books/memoirs about your sim’s adventures in archaeology

Generation Five: Space Dandy

(BG + elements of Get to Work & City Living)

Your parent was engrossed in their studies of Selvadorada, but you’ve set your sights on space instead. The stars have always called your name, and now you want to answer them.

Objectives:

Have at least one long-term partner (married or otherwise)

Have 3+ kids (at least one with an alien), preferably in the Adult life stage - work was demanding when you were younger!

Join either the Astronaut career or the Scientist career

Have either the Geek or Genius trait

Complete the Nerd Brain aspiration

Completely build and upgrade a rocket

Travel to Sixam via any available method

Master logic skill

Master rocket science skill

Grow a UFO plant

Optional: Collect all the space rocks & space prints

Optional: Maintain a garden for scientific research

Optional: Max out your handiness skill (you have to develop it for Nerd Brain, anyway)

Optional: Participate in GeekCon at least once, aiming to win in any category

Generation Six: Happy Home

(BG + elements of Parenthood & Cats and Dogs)

You may have had an unconventional upbringing, surrounded by hard science and a greasemonkey parent, but that hasn’t stopped you from wanting a big, happy family of your own. Whether sim-babies or furbabies, you want to give all of your family members a warm, safe home to thrive in.

Objectives:

Get married with no woohoo before marriage (no divorce)

Try for twins/triplets until you have them (have at least four kids if you get twins first time)

Master the Parenting skill

Master the Cooking skill (you want to provide your family the best meals possible!)

Complete one or more of the Family aspirations

One parent must stay at home as a homemaker

No service sims allowed!

Adopt at least one pet, preferably two or more

See to it that your kids all max at least one skill before each age transition

All children should age up with at least 2 positive character values

Optional: Your kids each complete at least one child-age aspiration

Optional: Help children with homework every night & read a story to each child at least once a week (both parents count)

Optional: Maintain a high positive relationship with your children (good friends or higher)

Generation Seven: Silver Screen Sensation

(BG + Get Famous)

Your parents gave you a golden childhood, providing you the confidence you need to take Del Sol Valley by storm! You are determined to see your name in the marquee spots of blockbuster films.

Objectives:

Have the Self-Absorbed trait

Move to and live in Del Sol Valley

Join the Acting career

Master the Acting skill and develop the Charisma skill

Complete the Master Actor aspiration

Marry and divorce at least once

Have 2 or more children by at least 2 different sims

Gain 5 stars of fame

Win at least one award for acting

Optional: build or buy your sim a celeb-worthy mansion (in any style you like and can afford)

Optional: enroll your children in drama club

Optional: throw gold-level parties for your sim whenever possible

Generation Eight: The Truth is Out There

(BG + StrangerVille)

Being under the spotlight through your entire childhood has left you with enduring trust issues. You’ve heard the occasional whisper of conspiratorial mystery about StrangerVille, so you escape Del Sol Valley (and the paparazzi) to investigate.

Objectives:

Have the Paranoid trait

Move to StrangerVille

Have and complete the StrangerVille Mystery aspiration prior to having any children

Join either the Military or Secret Agent career

Master the fitness skill

Master the programming skill (you want to hack into the Matrix!)

Try to hack your way to promotions once the programming skill is high enough

Once you’ve solved the mystery of StrangerVille, move in with/marry a life partner

Have at least 2 children by birth or adoption

Optional: reach the top of your sim’s chosen career

Optional: Maintain an underground bunker in your sim’s home for their conspiracy research

Generation Nine: Public Enemy #1

(BG + elements of Get Famous & Vampires - optional)

You always thought your parent(s) was/were a bit naive. Since you never witnessed the narrowly-averted disaster in StrangerVille, all you had were stories of their exploits while you were growing up. It all sounded kind of silly. You want to aim higher: for being the cause of mayhem, rather than the solution to it. Crime, mischief, you name it: you’ll be involved in one way or another.

Objectives:

Have one (or more) of the following traits: evil, mean, kleptomaniac

Join the criminal career (either branch)

Complete the Public Enemy or Chief of Mischief aspiration

Master the fitness skill

Master the mischief skill

Master the vampire lore skill

Make at least two enemies

Maintain a bad reputation

Meet the love of your life - who has one of the following traits: evil, mean, hot-headed, hates children, or noncommittal

Convince your suitor to move in with you (marriage optional)

Have at least 2 children with your above-mentioned soulmate

You may be evil, but not to your kids: make sure to have them master their skills when possible and seek to befriend them

Optional: befriend a vampire

Optional: become a vampire

Optional: turn other sims into vampires

Generation Ten: Food for the Soul

(BG + elements of City Living, Dine Out, & Get to Work)

You’ve always felt a little embarrassed about the chaos your parents caused. Why they were so determined to make other sims’ lives more - rather than less - difficult will always remain a mystery to you. One thing that has always brought you comfort in a weird home with weird parents was tasty, home-cooked food. You hope that by sharing delicious food with the world, you can spread joy rather than discord.

Objectives:

Join either the Culinary career or the Critic career [food critic branch]

Have either of these traits: Foodie, Vegetarian

Complete the Master Chef aspiration

Master the cooking skill

Master the gourmet cooking skill

Master the baking skill

Home-cook all meals for the family

Marry and have 5+ children (You want to cook for a big family)

Optional: Own a cafe/bakery/restaurant on the side & once successful, you can quit your main career

Optional: Attend spice festivals

Optional: also complete the Grilled Cheese aspiration

And that’s it! Unlike the OP of this challenge, I thought 11 generatons might be a bit much, especially for someone like me who hasn’t yet ever completed a legacy challenge. As I said above, though, feel free to modify this as you see fit! And if you attempt the challenge in any form, good luck & happy simming. 💕

[kind-garowen]

Trying not to suck at this

Today I had a moment of clarity that I have needed for a long time. This Tumblr is for me, really. If you read it and get something, cool. I’m happy to please others. But if it seems oddly self-serving, that’s because it is.

If you want to stick in for an explanation, here it is: I’ve been struggling with a pervasive depression for several months. Depression and anxiety have been long-time companions, but lately have been especially odious and difficult to shake. I’m currently 6 months pregnant with my second baby, facing a somewhat uncertain future. Uncertain in that my only option is to keep working and put both my kids in daycare, which is fine, but I’m nervous about doing that with a little baby in our stupid anti-vaxxing world. That’s one source of my anxiety, and the inescapability of it is a source of my depression.

The gnarly thing about the 1-2 combo of depression/anxiety, which I will shorten to Depressangst (that’s almost harder to type...) is that it erodes at your sense of self. Once I could see past the fog of first trimester illness, I realized that I had knuckled under the pressure of self-preservation and survival; I couldn’t quit life to manage my sickness, I had to keep plugging along somehow and had to sacrifice tenets of who I am in order to do that. The result was that I began forgetting who I am.

I am kind of making myself out to be a hero, and I wish I was. I’m not, this is about as common as there are people on this planet. Again, this is for me, random screaming person I’m fabricating in my head. Since I realized how depressed I was, regardless of the reason, I wanted to do something to hang on to who I am. In my head I have these pillars of my personality that haven’t been washed away by the necessity of survival. Pillars like that I am a writer, that I love the ocean, that I love the outdoors, adventures, eating, and travel. When you’re pregnant, several of those things go bye-bye, like a love of eating and exercise and travel. At least they did for me. I have a crap appetite even now, 6 months in, and am tired ALWAYS, so exercise is super hard, and travel is just a fat hassle (I have a 3 year old too, so...).

Neways, leaning against those pillars, my brain in some ill-advised attempt to help me survive or whatever is doing all it can to sabotage me whenever i try to focus on anything other than survival. Add to that that I live and work in a very Christian conservative environment but am not myself conservative and maybe barely Christian (I’m religious but I like to be private about my religiosity, which flies in the face of what’s normally expected around here) and the social pressure that women should be home with their kids, and, especially angering and damaging, that women basically trade in their personhood and humanity to become Mothers.

Oy. I could spend a long time on that one, and I probably will in future posts. This is getting really long, though. Anyway, my point is, that I am going to post on this Tumblr with pictures, with thoughts, with whatever pops into my head that helps me stay focused on my numerous, copious, plentiful personal goals in the face of a world that doesn’t care about me and a future that is promising to be demanding and draining, but can also be as bright as I want it to be.

Another basic tenet of my personality that i hate and love is that I don’t want to have to choose colors. When I was a kid and given a picture to color, I would look around at all the other kids making choices and putting colors together that definitely bespoke their personalities, whatever that meant. Maybe the colors looked good, maybe they didn’t, maybe the kid always chose their favorite colors. I would look at my options and think, “i want all the colors!” and I would usually use all the colors I could and then wonder why my final piece was such a mess. Well, in life as in childhood coloring time, I want all the damn colors and I don’t care how messy things look later. I don’t want to choose one and not the other, so as much as I can, I want everything. So this is me trying to keep myself on track to have everything I want, all the colors.

[the-lockarea]

When Was The Last Time You Read a Good Book?

Speaking of books, you got me. I’m such a nerd who rather sticks with books, and gets trapped in my own imagination rather than doing some outdoor activity. Don’t get me wrong, I love outdoor activity too and it is such a fun thing to do, but there are some occasions where I just want to lay in my room and do nothing but reading.

According to psychologytoday.com, neuroscientists have discovered that reading a novel can improve brain function on a variety of levels. The researchers found that becoming engrossed in a novel enhances connectivity in the brain and improves brain function. Interestingly, reading fiction was found to improve the reader's ability to put themselves in another person’s shoes and flex the imagination in a way that is similar to the visualization of a muscle memory in sports.

Some people– for example, myself – tend to seek a place to escape. Reading books somehow provides unlimited escape places. "In a number of pages, the story will open, evolve and close, and a lot of what's going on in the world today is not like that. You've got this encapsulated escape that you can enjoy." - Carol Fitzgerald of the Book Report Network.

So,

When Was The Last Time You Read a Good Book?

Mine was;

Love For Imperfect Things by Haemin Sunim

A very good friend of mine gave me this extraordinary book. I swear, it is the first time I ever had and even read a self-improvement book. This book helps you to accept yourself in a world that striving for perfection. For having low self-esteem, this book somehow encourages me to be a better person of myself and ignoring society demands around. So, shout out to my buddy who decided to give me this kind of book!

The world is too small for an adventure. Read a book, be the adventurer on your own world.

[consulting-celiac-in-the-tardis]

21 Easy (and Cozy) Self Care Ideas to Practice this Winter

New blog post! Now that winter is making days shorter, colder and darker, it's more important than ever to make self care part of your regular routine. And I'm not talking about the Instagram #selfcare that requires fancy bath bombs or expensive lotions. I'm talking about 21 easy ways that you can get cozy and relaxed this winter, whether you're a college student like me, a busy mother of two or a full-time worker with a demanding job schedule.

Some of these self care ideas may seem obvious, but others may surprise you - and many of them are scientifically-backed ways to tackle stress. So regardless of how busy you may be this holiday season, check out these 21 ways you can add more self care into your holly, jolly life.

1. Make yourself a warm, welcoming drink.

On cold winter days, it probably feels natural to reach for something cozy to warm you up. If you're really looking for help relaxing, though, fill your mug with tea. Research has found that drinking tea can help lower people's stress levels. Plus, it can be pretty dang delicious! (If you have celiac disease, just make sure it's gluten free).

2. Watch a sappy holiday-inspired show or movie.

Sometimes, we don't need an award-winning movie or TV show to enjoy ourselves. At least a few times this winter, embrace your silly or sentimental side by watching a bad Hallmark movie or bingeing your favorite holiday baking show. (And if you eat chocolate while doing it, that's obviously worth bonus points).

3. Go thrifting for cute and comfy winter clothes.

Updating your wardrobe for winter doesn't have to hurt your wallet. Instead, make looking for comfy hats, mittens or scarfs a fun adventure by hitting up your local second-hand store.

4. Be your own masseuse.

Massage has been shown to reduce people's physical tension and mental stress - and if you have a chronic illness or chronic pain like me, a good massage is always a good idea! You don't need to hire a high-end masseuse to reap some of these benefits, either. Give yourself a massage instead by rubbing your own muscles while lotioning up after your shower or using a tennis ball or foam roller to break up any knots and tension. Pair this massage with a relaxing bubble bath and you have the makings of a perfect self-date night.

5. Set aside extra time to read a book, just for fun.

I know that winter can be a busy time with friends and family, but don't forget to set aside some alone time in your schedule. Add a good book into the equation, and your quiet night in will be extra enjoyable.

6. Bake yourself something festive!

Besides getting to eat a delicious pumpkin or apple inspired treat, you'll feel nice and cozy when your kitchen is warm from the oven and smelling like the holidays. (And if you need some ideas for gluten free pumpkin desserts or baked goods, try out this recent round up of mine!).

7. Walk it out (outdoors or at a local gym).

Depending on the weather where you live, going for a walk outside might not be an option. Even if you have to go for a walk inside, though, your brain will still thank you. Research has found that exercise can drastically improve people's mental health, and even just walking will lower how often people have "bad days."

8. Take up a new, indoor hobby.

And if being outdoors is realllly not an option, starting a new hobby that takes place indoors is ideal. Start putting together puzzles, learning how to cross-stitch...or even practicing rock-climbing, like I did last year! Who knows - you may end up finding a hobby that you love doing year-round.

9. Try out hot yoga.

Because there's no better escape for winter weather than a relaxing, mantra-and-stretch filled session of hot yoga.

10. Light one of your favorite candles.

More research still needs to be done on the benefits of aromatherapy, but science seems to suggest that certain scents can help us chilllll out. Find a scent that you enjoy, like lavender or peppermint, and experiment with burning different candles and seeing which smells work best for you!

11. Purge your social media feeds.

You've heard of spring cleaning, but winter is another great time to set yourself up for a fresh start in the New Year. If you find yourself spending more time than ever on social media since it's too cold or dreary to go outside, pay attention to how each account makes you feel and ditch the ones that aren't doing you any favors.

12. Get crafty and let out your inner child.

Create a wreath to hang on your door, use colorful pens and papers to create homemade cards or just doodle in a notebook. These kinds of creative activities have been linked to improved mood and creativity the next day...plus, you might end up with some very cute gifts to give this Christmas. Win-win!

13. Pamper yourself with a face mask.

I've only started using face masks this last year, and the hype is worth it. My favorite is a simple mix of honey with cinnamon that I apply on "problem areas" for around 10-15 minutes before washing it off, but there are tons of safe (and even delicious!) face mask recipes you can find online. No fancy or expensive ingredients or products required. Plus, dry winter skin will definitely thank you for the extra TLC.

14. Dust off your crockpot and experiment with a new yummy recipe.

I know I've certainly been lax in using my crockpot lately, and it can be hard to feel motivated to start cooking dinner first thing in the morning. But your future self will definitely thank you for the little bit of prep you do earlier, and winter is the perfect time to whip up something warm and gooey. May I suggest my crockpot stacked enchiladas or vegan mac and cheese?

15. Throw a pajama party.

Whether you have a solo party or invite friends, spend a whole, blissful day hanging out in your PJs.

16. Do something nice for someone else. 

Acts of kindness have actually been scientifically shown to improve people's physical and mental health, so passing it forward this winter is actually a win-win. Donate to a local toy-drive, send a care package to a solider or pay for the next person's coffee in Starbucks. Little acts can have a big impact.

17. Start a gratitude practice.

If you're the journaling type, you can start writing what you're grateful for every day in a notebook. Otherwise, sticky notes or just thinking about two things you're grateful for each morning or night will still give you a positivity boost!

18. Set aside time to play your favorite "pointless" game.

Whether it's Sudoku, Words With Friends or a video game that you used to play for hours every day in high school, give yourself permission to just sit back and play for a little while. I know that during most of the year, I'm a major multi-tasker and anytime I do get to play a game, it's because I'm traveling or waiting to start another chore. So chillin' (pun intended) with my gamer self during winter is one of my favorite ways to relax.

19. Declutter at least one part of your house.

Along with purging your social media feeds, on days when cold weather keeps you in the house, you might try purging cluttered corners as well. Decluttering can not only improve concentration, but it can also improve your mood, lower your stress levels and give you a better night's sleep. And if you play your latest Netflix binge, favorite podcast or an epic holiday playlist in the background, you can make decluttering feel a lot more fun too.

20. Stretch yo' body.

At least for me, finding the motivation for a hard workout feels a lot harder when it's cold, dark and dreary outside. So on days when you feel like you're in a funk but don't feel up for a full workout, do some gentle stretches (even in the comfort of your own bed!) instead. It will loosen up your muscles, slash your stress and might even help you be more productive at work.

21. Choose a mantra for the upcoming year.

Obviously, you shouldn't spend all winter pining for spring...but it can't hurt to spend a little time reflecting on what you want from the upcoming months. In 2018, my word or mantra of the year was "discomfort." In 2019, it was "open." And while I haven't decided exactly what word I want to keep in mind during the start of a new decade, I think something similar to "change" will end up winning. What do you want to get out of this Spring? You still have some cold weeks to help you figure out your answer!

The Bottom Line of Self Care During Winter

As the days get colder and our social schedules get busier, it's easy to let self care fall to the bottom of our to-do list. I know from personal experience, though, that you can't run on empty...and when you better yourself through self care, you're also empowering yourself to be a better friend, family member, and personal overall! So this winter, give yourself the gift of self care rituals...and if you need even more ideas, feel free to check out my previous roundups: How to Create Your Own Self Care Retreat in 5 Easy Steps; 15 Self Care Activities You Can Do Without Leaving Bed; and 21 Self Care Activities You Can Do in 15 Minutes or Less! How are you taking care of yourself this winter? Give me more of your own self care ideas in the comments below! via Blogger https://ift.tt/2OKlqR3

[lowry22gundersen-blog]

Olympus SH.

The top quality from photos from the XP80 depends on the illumination you're using the cam in. In vivid, outdoors lighting, pictures are actually brilliant as well as punchy - which readies headlines considering this is possibly where you'll be actually making use of the camera most of the amount of time. While major photo editing has its place and also opportunity, simple and fun edits are actually way much more popular in our social networking planet. There are numerous cost-free Android activities that deliver fun gameplay, appreciation your opportunity, and also promotion realistic but enitrely extra investments for gamers who desire a bit much more away from the expertise. It creates the list because of the fact that is among one of the most simple and addicting activities you'll receive your hands on. Actually, of the 85,451 unique commercially on call foods that were actually accessible for acquisition between 2005 as well as 2009, 75 percent consist of added sweeteners. 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That could come as little surprise, yet puzzle games are usually the greatest for relaxing as well as de-stressing, because they allow your human brain to block out whatever around you and also pay attention to completing one details duty.

[nerdy-bits]

Letting My Mind Drift

My family has always been enamored by cars and motorcycles. For a long time that fascination focused on motorcycles exclusively. My uncle bought a harley, which led my grandparents to buy a Harley and Royal Enfield (grandpa and grandma), which led me to buy a Suzuki V-Strom. This was complemented by friends buying yet another Harley, a Kawaski Vulcan, and a Yamaha F-07. Motorcycling controlled our get-togethers for more than 4 years. Eventually the moto-fever faded, but not before it made a lasting impact in our lives. We watched motorcycle documentaries like Why We Ride, shows like The Long Way Down and The Long Way Round, and fell in love with small market makers like Shinya Kimura and even Keeanu Reeves’ Arch Motorcycle Company. In the height of this fascination we also fell in love with BBC’s Top Gear.

As motorcycles transitioned out of our main means of transportation the love remained, but a growing interest in automotives began to seep into the cracks. Top Gear was always on repeat in the Sawyer household. As comes with watching a show this closely, we began to think and even jokingly speak as hosts Jeremy Clarkson, James May, and Richard Hammond when we saw cars. Now, years after the Top Gear fallout, The Grand Tour is making its way into our sphere of conversation. But it isn’t alone. 

I have always dabbled in driving games. I have fond memories of winning a few races in Gran Tourismo well before I was old enough to understand the ins and outs of tuning an automobile for the track. I remember outrunning the cops in Need for Speed Hot Pursuit. Street races in Midnight Club, drag races for pink slips in Blur (I think?), drifting in Need for Speed Underground. I have fond memories of specific moments of car games, but very few of those same games have kept my attention for very long. 

I tend to attribute this attention deficit to the same reason I don’t really play fighting games. I tend to play my games for the story, diving headlong into narrative adventure, strategy, or roleplaying games. I can play XCOM, Mass Effect, or God of War for days. I find the simplicity, or lack of implicit depth, a bit of a turn off. That’s not me saying those games don’t have depth. I love watching EVO tournaments and enjoy duking it out with friends on occasion, but the learning curve to skill in those games is often steeper than I have patience for, given the fact those games tend to be just that: learning the core mechanics of the fighting and perfecting that knowledge. 

I loved to hop into a few races, trade some paint, slide out a slick drift, and grab some air, but I rarely stuck around to perfect any of those skills. 

Fast forward to Forza Motorsport 4 and 5. If there is a better example of dipping your towns into something, I’m not sure I know it. I specifically remember jumping in with Ryan (@sergeantsodium) on one specific occasion and attempting to drift. I failed miserably. Then, as if to rub salt in my wounds, Ryan had me pull my vehicle about twelve feet from the wall and proceeded to drift the entire bend leading to my position, and weave his car neatly between my own car and the wall at a cool 50-60mph. It was a marvel to behold. It was also my signal to log off of the game, not come back for weeks, and trade the game to GameStop a month or so later. 

Then three things happened: Forza Horizon 4 came out. I learned that my control scheme wasn’t conducive to what I was wanting to do. 2020 happened. 

Let's break that down.  Forza Horizon 4 came out in 2018 to great reviews. What’s better, it was on Game Pass, so I had no reason not to at least try it. The opening moments were like an IV drip of endorphins. A shot glass full of joy. The music, the changing of seasons showcasing their weather systems, the production, the cars, the visuals. It was an all out assault on the senses. 

About a year after that first experience, after again watching Ryan drift an entire roundabout, weaving in and out of traffic without missing a shift or beat, we joined a session together with the express goal of teaching me to drift. In moments I learned that a) I was doing it all wrong, and that b) my settings were also getting in the way. Traction Control off, ABS off, manual shifting on, in moments I felt like a new person. 

Then 2020 happened and all of the outdoors interaction in most people’s lives came to a grinding halt. No more bike nights at Schlafly Bottleworks, no more long road trips, nothing. Sometime around May I found my way back into Forza Horizon 4. Sometime around May I found my niche. 

Having learned the tricks to drifting, all that remained was perfecting the use of those skills. So i took to the tarmac with my Ford Focus hatchback, a car I actually owned at the time, and began working out the kinks of letting the rear end slide out, handbrake turns, feathering the gas, up and downshifting, using gravity, and nailing the perfect run of drifts. Strangely, a process that once turned me away, turned out to be exactly what I was looking for. It was simple and complex, bundled into one. It was almost zen like at times. The music in my headphones pulsing, the engine roaring under the hood, the snap-crack of the exhaust, the screech of tires. While grinding out the skill of drifting, I began to let my mind, like my car, drift.

Drifting became an escape and car building became an obsession. I would log into Horizon and skim through the car catalogue looking for cars that piqued my interest. Turns out I have a type. Retro and boxy-body, or modern import tuners. I have an ‘80 Abarth Fiat 131 (typically a rally car), a slick ‘81 Volkswagen Scirocco S, an absolutely sharp ‘69 Nissan Fairlady Z 432, a ‘97 Mazda RX-7, a Hoonigan inspired ‘73 AMC Gemlin X, a rip-roaring ‘69 Chevy Nova Super Sport 396, an 81’ Ford Fiesta XR2, and - to keep this list short, ha - a spritely ‘74 Honda Civic RS. You’ll see I left out my ‘17 Focus RS. Honestly, though it started the craze, it is far from the top of my priority list. 

Each of these cars I have learned extensively, though I shy away from saying I’ve learned them inside and out. Each has its little quirk, be it powering through longform extended bends or nimbly sliding through tight switchbacks. But still, each feels like a piece of art I built, and each rev, gear shift, and spinout builds my knowledge, banshee shrieking through the streets of Edinburgh, sliding the rain slick streets of Lakehurst Forest, or ripping up and down the rolling switches in Derwent Valley.

When riding a motorcycle there is a moment where your conscious brain, focused on the road and balance, recedes into unconsciousness, allowing your normally subconscious thoughts to creep to the front. You think of abstracts: color, sound, smell, feel. The taste of the rain, the spidering cracks in the concrete beneath you. Forza Horizon 4 has granted a return to a form of that process for me. As the controller rumbles and vibrates in my hands I feel the tires slip out, the engine scream for air, the exhaust bark in protest. My mind drifts into a less stressful place, focused instead on the power I lend the engine, the grip of my tires, the sound of my tachometer redlining out of a turn. My mind imagines the smells of fall leaves, spring showers, summer concrete, and terpene-hinted snow. 

And then there is rally. Like drifting, a whole skill unto itself demanding practice. The brief silence as you catch air, a pensive pause, the slam of the suspension when gravity pulls me back down, the crash of water. Feeling the rocks and gravel tumbling beneath my wheels is a new sensation. My ‘82 Lancia 037 Stradale is bucking for more. 

@LubWub ~Caleb